Why Relationships work, or don't work

Let's say Joe Ex-PUA listened to me and settled down with a young woman. You may now think, "Wait, how is this supposed to ever work when there will always be other younger women around? Won't he forever be tempted to jump ship?" Well, first, you'll also get older, and your focus in life will eventually shift from getting laid or, in the case of PUAs, fantasizing about getting laid, to something more constructive. Remember, you used to have hobbies in high school! Second, it's really not the case that girls are that easily interchangeable.

I certainly don't want to urge guys to settle down with some random girl, albeit precisely that seems to be what the average Joe is doing. In that case, you're pretty screwed from the get-go. Eventually she'll have a baby, possibly from another man, and she'll calculate for how long she has to remain married to you to maximize alimony payments. Sadly, Joe allowed himself to get bullied into not signing a marriage contract, since doing so would be "unromantic", according to the 32 year-old he married who was desperate to get a guy.

Attraction and Age Differences

Following up on my post Male Sex Drive from Teenage Years to the Middle Age, I'm now going to answer the the one remaining question:

What is your view about age when dating and chasing girls who are interested in you but significantly younger than you?

First, what exactly is "significantly" supposed to mean? Let's assume we're talking of girls past the threshold of the age of consent. Okay, say, she's 18. How old would a guy have to be in order to be called "significantly older"? I'd say, 25, 26 maybe. Ten years is certainly an age difference I would call significant.

Having settled that, the question then is how this would affect your sex drive. I'm tempted to say quite significantly. Youth is equated with beauty and sexual attractiveness. There are some absurd feminist campaigns that guys should marry someone "their own age", "a mature woman", or "someone who can handle you", but at the end of the day, this is all just so much hot air. Normally, you would pick a younger woman over an older one. This is fine, since girls prefer older guys, too, which explains the malaise of young guys trying to get girls.

Reader Comment on Male Sex Drive during Middle Age

I received an interesting email from a reader (thanks, K.!) regarding my last article Male Sex Drive from Teenage Years to the Middle Age, and thought I better share it with you:

Aaron, 

maybe I'm an anomaly, but I'm just about as horny as I was as a teenager, and don't need little blue pills to get horny, hard or stay hard! Maybe a little motivation for those guys heading into their 30's and 40's, as I'm 59! I attribute it to not smoking, eating healthily as in organic whenever possible, staying away from red meat and keeping in shape at 5'9" and 175 lbs with a flat stomach. Partly genetics maybe, because I have longivity in my family tree on both sides.

Male Sex Drive from Teenage Years to the Middle Age

I received an interesting question as part of a longer email the other day. The guy who wrote to me was curious about my view on how the age difference between you and your woman might influences your libido (i.e. are you better off with a younger woman), as well as how your libido changes in general throughout the years:

What is your view about age when dating and chasing girls who are interested in you but significantly younger than you? At what point people stop having sexual libido/desire or their desire decline as they age?

I'll cover the second question in this article, and the other in a follow-up.

Let me tackle the problem of declining libido in several steps. First, male sex drive declines as you get older, but I'll hypothesize that the change is largely due to lifestyle choices and constraints, and not so much due to biological factors. About teenage boys it is said that they would bang a hole in a tree just as well. This is certainly exaggerated, and just another example of the misandry of the mainstream media. Young girls are horny, too, yet no mainstream media buffoon ever wrote that they would shove anything in their vagina.

Three Billion Women, and what this means for One-Night Stands

My post on The "three billion women" argument was primarily about finding a partner. This is not the goal of everyone, but for every chest-pounding virgin on PUA forums who claims that he wants to bang more women than Genghis Khan has there are hundreds who secretly wish to just have a girlfriend. Of course, part of the problem is that some of those guys have the twisted idea that women would only have sex within relationships, while one-night stands are reserved for studs and guys which coke, but that would be a different topic altogether.

Let's say you're a reasonably well adjusted guy and you want to sow your wild oats for a while. Women don't just marry anybody, but their criteria for a one-night stand are often much lower. This is particularly true if she's got self-esteem issues and thinks that having some random dude bust a nut in her would make her feel desired and accepted. There's no shortage of such women out there.

Let's just take a different branch in the previous Fermi estimate, and continue at the point where we had whittled down the number of available women to about 5,000. Social class will still plays a role, but women are a bit less strict about that if they only want your cock instead of your wallet. So, if you're in the middle of society, then we'll be a bit generous and assume that you'll have no access to the top 10 % of society, and that you have no interest in getting involved with the bottom 20 %, for a variety of reasons. Both seems to be rather plausible percentages. So, you're down to 3,500 women, vs the previous 2,500.

The "three billion women" argument

One of the more asinine PUA statements is that there are "3 billion women" (google that in addition to "PUA" and be surprised) on this planet and therefore plenty of chances to get laid, and oh-so-many ways to experiment and refine your "game". The sheer stupidity of that number is hard to stomach.

Okay, let's say there are 6 billion people on Earth, 3 billion men and 3 billion women, and let's ignore the slight gender imbalance. We're working with huge numbers, so a few measly hundred million don't matter. So, Joe PUA, how would you go about hitting on all those three billion women? Well, first you would probably realize that you're neither a pedophile nor a gerontophile, in other words, you neither fuck children nor the elderly. Then there is the problem that a good one billion of those women reside in India and China. Too bad, bro!

Real-Life Example of a PUA who Creeped Out an Entire Campus

In my last post on Wannabe PUAs and Social Exclusion I mentioned how the complete absence of tact can easily make socially inept guys alienate their entire surroundings. In the comments this discussion was enriched by a number of people, such as Johnny who chimed in that when he makes a new friend, he learns through Facebook that they've got a handful of mutual "friends" already, or an anonymous with the observation that he's bumping into the same people in a city as big and vibrant as NYC.

So, there certainly is some awareness that you're not as anonymous in the crowd as you might think. But what happens if you are a PUA who thinks that the world is his oyster and, just like in an arcade-style video game, he can always just insert another credit or hit the reset button? Well, "Sean Larson" is what's going to happen. (Thanks to another anonymous commenter for the tip!)

Wannabe PUAs and Social Exclusion

One of the most fascinating aspects of "pick-up artistry" is that it is commonly men who are socially excluded who are drawn to it. Think about it, if you were the popular jock in high school who had cheerleaders falling over themselves to suck your cock, you probably wouldn't google a phrase like "how to get laid". It's fairly safe to assume that the typical guy who falls for the many snake oil salesmen in this corner of the Internet has a deficient social skills already.

This puts him at an enormous disadvantage. Not having undergone a typical socialization process, he is unable to adequately evaluate the teachings of his new "guru". I mean, if you were socially savvy and saw what guys who actually got laid did, and what they looked like, there is no chance in hell you'd believe that PUAs who look like clowns actually get girls. Gullible guys don't know that, so they don't question them. Instead, they lap up their nonsensical advice. Approaching chicks randomly, dozens a day? Sounds good to him. "Plowing" in the face of complete disinterest? Sure, he'll try it.

What prompted me to write this post was in fact a Facebook status update I found in my email inbox some days ago. Here it is: