I received a couple of rather bizarre emails and blog comments recently, in which people (probably shills) were praising the work of some "guru" who, instead of focussing on how to pull girls, was nowadays all about telling guys how to handle their "emotions". This was supposed to be the key to successful long-term relationships and marriages and of course it would pay off plenty in your professional life as well. I felt reminded of virgin gurus who promoted surefire ways of getting laid, and now that this well has run dry, the new business model is apparently "lifestyle coaching" or "life hacking". One might wonder how a guy in his mid- to late 20s who doesn't look like a ladies' man at all is going to say anything particularly insightful about long-term relationships, though.
But let's not pick on those snake oil salesmen and instead discuss how you can get a handle on your emotions. Surprisingly enough this doesn't work through reading books or thinking about hypothetical situations. Instead, it's a matter of practice. Get nervous just talking to some girl? Talk to more girls! Get clingly after you've gotten a girlfriend? Well, why might this be the case, buddy? Could it, just maybe, be a consequence of you not having had much success with girls in your life, and now you think she's the one and only, even though she's a dim-witted brat of at best average looks and a highly defective personality?
This is a serious issue, bro! There are countless examples of guys with little to no sexual experience falling for literally the first girl that was willing to take them. In the best case they ended up in an abusive relationship with skewed power dynamics, paternity fraud, and an eventual divorce. Who could have known guessed?
The core problem is "neediness". The most insecure and inexperienced men obsess over women that hardly pay any attention to them. This is enough for those losers to pump money into that girl, hoping that somehow some kind of sexual relationship will evolve from those shaky foundations. Those guys tell you that they are "dating" some girl, by some definition of dating that does not include any kind of sexual contact.
Guys who are that inexperienced are easily exploited by girls. All it takes is one girl who is willing to kiss them occasionally and fuck them once everty three months. Again, this is not some kind of hypothetical scenario. I've spoken to guys who told me that their girlfriend whom they were dating for months has only had sex with them two or three times. Their girls seemed to care very little for them, and were normally quite noticeably pining for some other guys' cock. Yet, those guys claimed to be "in love". What happens in those situations is that the girl just does not want to be single, since many girls consider it almost as some kind of stigma. If she's single, she must be undesirable, she thinks. Thus, any kind of guy is better than none.
Then there is the issue that some girls, particularly as they get older, view relationships as some kind of business transaction. They are eager to trade their fading looks for a permanent meal ticket. For this purpose sexually inexperienced guys are suddenly very appealing. Indeed, an experience many "nerds" make, as they grow older, is that suddenly women they have been ignored by for years suddenly express their interest, maybe in the form of a message on Facebook where she writes, "Hey, why don't we have coffee to catch up?". Things can go quickly if she's nearing 30 and hasn't yet found a guy who was willing to keep her.
What's that guy supposed to do now? He has virtually no sexual experience, and here's this 30 year old woman who has been pumped and dumped for 15 years straight. He won't have a chance to defend himself against her manipulations. If he lacks a back-bone, and she is just a bit cunning, she'll easily be able to pull his strings. Of course, things like that never happen in real life. Right, guys? Maybe it would help him if he read what some reformed pickup guru has to say about "emotions"?
To avoid ever getting into such a horrible mess you have to get a handle on your emotions the only way possible: through experience. I'm not saying that you have to dump five girls in a row before you can attempt having a serious relationship. Some guys are emotionally more distant by predisposition anyway. However, there are plenty of guys who lack an emotional backbone --- excuse the overextended metaphor. Those people should treat lightly in the dating arena. There are women out there who will insist on marriage after knowing the guy for barely a month. Google is an amazing resource. Here's an excerpt from one of the first stories I dug up:
People are often astonished when I tell them we only dated for three weeks before my husband proposed, and only knew each other for four weeks when we got married. They asked how I knew and I can't explain it to them. I knew he was the one for me, even though I was 25 and he was only 19.What a fucking coincidence, Jennifer! Dude, if your sexual and romantic experience is close to zero, and you suddenly meet a woman who is hell-bent on making you her boyfriend, and babbles about children and marriage after one or two weeks, you should not think that finally you're about to get your dick wet, but instead you should run for the hills.
You won't be able to sort out your emotional state through introspection. That's just like trying to get buff by reading about lifting weights. Instead, you have to expose yourself to situations where you have to face your emotions. How do you know you might to have to work on that? Easy, if you're together with the first girl you ever met, you certainly have a lot of growing up to do. Or if you find yourself fantasizing about a girl that was merely polite towards you (this is a common PUA trap). Or, if you immediately want any girl you have had any kind of sexual contact with to become your girlfriend. Get some experience! There are a lot of dangerous women out there, so beware.