One comment stood out in particular:
This! That's the paradox, they say it doesn't matter but all of a sudden you need to become this exceptional man in every area of his life to compensate for it. They don't even get the irony.I did not claim that you need to be exceptional in any area. However, it is a sad fact of life that women gravitate towards top-shelf men. Even a '3' may think she deserves a '7'. A few years ago a study by OKCupid made the rounds online, according to which women consider 80 % of men to be below average.
[W]omen rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.So, where does that leave average guys? It means that women, even when they initiate contact with you on an online dating site, may very well detest you because they are so deluded that they think they secretly deserve a male 10, but they rather get some loser in the mean time until Prince Charming descends from his horse and kneels down in front of her.
You do not have to have your life in perfect order. However, getting a few parts of your life in order will go a very long way in making you stand out from the competition. I can already hear the nay-sayer that this won't work if everybody did it. Yes, this is true. However, most guys won't bother and rather maintain their slob-like existence.
If there is one area in your life where you are severely lacking, and you do want to sleep with women without paying for it, you better compensate for it. In the concrete example of balding, it would indeed be highly beneficial to spend more time in the gym.
Further, on that hair loss forum I was criticised for inferring that Mr. Balding must have at least some money. Yes, if you can save up 4500 Euros, you can't be poor. People seem to have highly skewed perceptions of wealth distribution. Mainstream media regularly speak of average salaries, or average household net worth. However, the median is normally a lot lower. In some extreme cases, like in Germany, the median is dramatically lower than the mean. A fairly high number of people live from pay cheque to pay cheque.
I'm of course conjecturing, but I would be very surprised if Mr. Balding was not in the top 50 % in terms of economic success. Then, we have to observe that he is able to express himself in the English very well. Mastering a second language is no small feat either. I know, I know, everybody and his dog claims to be fluent in English, but it's quite rare, even among educated people, to find someone who is able to express himself well in another language on a non-trivial level. So, we can already assume that Mr. Balding is smarter than the average guy, more ambitious than the average guy, and has, quite likely, more money than the average guy in his home country. If he started to lift weights, it would take him maybe a year or two, and he'd be far above average in that regard as well. At that point we would invariably put Mr. Balding in the category of men women find at the very least not unattractive.
Someone who has built an identity around viewing himself to be a loser because he is bald --- it's obvious that he is still incredibly insecure about this issue ---, on the other hand, may find it difficult to notice the many advantages they have, and the ways the could compensate for their weaknesses. The dating arena is indeed a rather harsh environment. Guys may find it "unfair" that they have to work harder to get girls, but on the plus side, you can increase your chances a lot. Better-looking women may enjoy some years full of attention, but they are all going to face a rude awakening if they think the gravy train will never end.
What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!
(Also, if you’ve got a comment that is off-topic or only tangentially related to this article, then please post in the most recent Open Thread. Thank you.)