Do nervous people make you nervous, too?

In New York City I grew fond of dropping by at any of the zillions of Starbucks to check my emails or do some work. One afternoon I found myself in their coffee shop at Union Square. It was a rather quiet afternoon, but it didn’t take long for things to change.

A dude sat down next to me. Apparently he wanted to call somebody. Or maybe he didn’t. He didn’t seem to be that sure himself either. Then he pulled out the newspaper from his bag, just to rattle with the pages a little. It didn’t take him long to talk to himself and debate wether to call or not. Eventually, he picked up the phone and had what sounded like some kind of follow-up to a job interview. His speech was rather uneven in both speed and volume. At first I was annoyed by him, but then I watched him with intrigue.

I realised that this guy gave a prime example of what is wrong with many guys trying to “learn game.” If you are a nervous wreck, then nothing you say or do will do any good. Restless people, even on a far lesser extent than that guy, tend to disturb other’s peace of mind. Also, if you are “too social” (a disease spread by Love Systems) and talk to everybody, you will end up shooting yourself in the foot. They are distracting, and you tend to stay away from them.

People that really get laid, on the other hand, exhibit entirely different traits. With a few notable exceptions, I have found that guys that are very successful with women are usually extremely calm people. Nothing seems to unfaze them, and women feel magnetically drawn to them.

This observations clashes with what is sometimes called “big mouth theory”, i.e. guys that talk the most get laid the most. Personally, I have never seen this, and I can’t really imagine that girls like being with a guy that never let’s them get a word in. Maybe they f*ck those guys to shut them up.

Travel Plans for January and February 2010

This is just a quick note on where to expect me up until the end of February. I will be in Rotterdam on 15 and 16 January, in New York City form 18 January until 12 February, and in Amsterdam from 25 to 28 February.

I will soon post notes regarding all the events taking place. There will be seminars in Rotterdam and New York City, and a conference in Rotterdam (I am staying in Amsterdam, though).