Wednesday, September 26, 2012
An RSD Escape Story
The following is a "survivor story" from C. who has been heavily involved with RSD. I particularly like how he analyzes the mind games the community plays, unknowingly or not, and how mere "belief" can make you ignore blatant inconsistencies.
Real Social Dynamics is often compared to a cult, and I can definitely see why people make this conclusion. Just think about how RSD, as C. writes, always mentions a "higher level". This could be taken straight out of the playbook Scientology uses. Of course, to reach those higher levels, you've got to take more bootcamps and more training, and just like Scientology, they slowly suck your bank account dry.
Also, please pay special attention to the section where C. discusses the "fucking huge elephant in the room", and RSD's "cult of the cold approach."
Dude, great website! My mind has been completely blown over the last few days reading your posts and blog - it's all so clear now. Anyway, perhaps you want to put this on your blog as a "survivor story" or something but I just wanted to say thanks for spreading the truth and helping me clear my head of all that bullshit!
I used to be massively involved in RSD - bootcamps, world summits, hot seats etc. and even though I have a girlfriend now I still believed their stuff and basically gave them credit for all my success. Until I started reading your website. It's amazing how RSD creates so much confusion and bullshit for something so simple - I honestly think that they believe their own bollocks now.
I started in the "community" in 2008. Within a month of starting I met a number of girls that I failed to pull the trigger on and then I met my ex girlfriend in a bar. I literally had the blueprint for a "perfect" approach on that one. I talked to her for a minute and then went to the bar. Half an hour later she appeared next to me with her friend with her back to me. I tapped her on the shoulder, she turned around with the biggest smile on her face and we got chatting. Make out. Got her number and then she had to go. We met up the following week and I fucked her. We were together for 6 months until my immaturity and lack of experience caused me to overreact and dump her. So basically I did a "test approach", walked away and then she showed me she liked me by her proximity. Then I just escalated! Simple. If I'd continued to do that I wouldn't have needed the community. But no, I got suckered in.
I asked her why she hooked up with me and she said "I thought you were the best looking guy I'd seen in years". The sick thing about the "community" is that when I mentioned this to other community members and "experts" and they told me that "she doesn't know what she is talking about" or worse "its a rationalisation, you were just doing everything right but didn't know it". The disturbing thing about that line is that when you do the same thing with other girls and they don't respond well then you don't look at the obvious fact that she wasn't into you. It had to be your "game", and that even though you thought you were doing the same things you were before maybe she "sensed you didn't 100% believe in yourself" or some fucking bullshit like that. This keeps you trapped in this mental mindfuck.
At the same time I started reading a lot of RSD, I brought Flawless Natural and the Blueprint. I got a couple of ONS's after that. The funny thing was that I didn't "use" any of the techniques or mindsets in those products, the ONS "just happened". Like every hook up that happened to me before and during the community, there was no rhyme or reason to it. The girl was receptive and we fucked. Damn, before the community I fucked a stripper and then two girls from the same office within the space of a few weeks. Did I do any "game"? Nope. The way they get you is a promise of "consistency" - I was inconsistent before the community because it was always social circle and the occasional "cold approach". They lead you to believe that the times you got laid or had success wasn't due to the fact that by sheer statistics you had met a girl that was into you, but because it was something you did, or said or an attitude that you had. This leads you to investigating the techniques thinking "damn if I can just replicate what I did then I'll pull every girl I want".
I then took a bootcamp. The name of the instructor is irrelevant because ultimately they teach the same thing: approach and escalate (depending on the instructor that could be escalate slowly aka Alex or escalate fast aka every other instructor). After the bootcamp my "game" exploded. I was banging left and right. Why? Because I was approaching more girls! You don't realise it after or during bootcamp but the whole thing is a massive state pump mixed with some bullshit mental masturbation. The bootcamp just primes you to approach more and more and do the right thing - escalate. This is good. But the problem comes with the associated bullshit - the complicated inner game theories, their insistence that you are not quite finished yet and there is always "another level". They will never say to a client "well done you are complete". They tell you "you are enough" and then just when you've got things straight in your mind they pull the rug out under your feet - changing "attraction theories" etc. which require you to learn some new inner game theory. Then there are new instructors with new theories on things. You are constantly being dangled a carrot that promises to explain why you've not been getting more lays/success or getting the uber hot girls. Maybe Julien's game will help me to the "next level" or Alex or Tyler or Jeffy or now Todd's back with some stuff. It completely ignores the possibility that it's all pre-determined.
Of course the instructors have publicly mentioned that its a "numbers game" - Tyler and especially Jeffy. Jeffy cites "Evil Stifler" his "natural friend" who just approaches everywhere and escalates on girls. Apparently he had fucked over 600 girls. I believe this because the guy apparently doesn't do anything else besides hitting on girls. The problem is that they then add a caveat that even though it's a numbers game you have got to be sure you have "momentum" or that you "communicate man-to-woman" or that you have "entitlement" and can "look into her eyes without wavering cos a woman can tell if you are present or not" (complete mental wankery).
The problem is that you believe it because its such a cognitive dissonance to not believe it. When you have taken a bootcamp and invested time and money in them and SEEN your results SHOOT UP you automatically assume it's the "techniques" or "inner game" or whatever you believe they have given you. You never think that they have just pumped you to approach more and then taken credit for your results that would have normally happened, if you are socially normal and not fucking ugly, whether you approached that girl "man-to-woman" or "friend-to-friend" or "out of state" or whatever.
Tyler even shows a video where he "pulls out of state". He then pulls some theory out of his ass that it's because he was "authentic to his emotions" and sometimes "girls will like you for being authentic even if you aren't in state". He fails to explain that she would have liked him anyway whether he was authentic or not - she found him attractive. But the truth is in there, hidden away within that authentic statement - he is half right, she liked him when he was being authentic because he wasn't being wierd. The fact she was attracted to him was a coincidence. It wasn't the fact he was authentic to his emotions that got him the attraction. She was already attracted and the fact he was fucking normal and not forcing "game" when he wasn't feeling great meant he didn't weird her out and she felt she could act on that attraction.
The sad thing is, and I've seen Tyler actually say this while acting out his "warm-up" process for a night. He says (mimicking himself walking into the club) "Oh, I'm not in state yet so no-one is going to fuck me" so that's his rationale for approaching a load of girls - not to see which ones like him but to actually become attractive. Then of course he says "but you are enough and girls will like you just for you.......but you've got to be in state to be attractive......but you can also pull if your not in state......but it's better to be in state......but don't worry about not being in state......and by the way if you need clarification about what is right and what is wrong then you are immature and not at the level of game that I and my instructors (people you look up to and want to be) are because we, like all the top elite level gamers, can hold multiple conflicting ideas in our heads and don't need to clarify which is right and which is wrong." Which leaves everyone confused as to what to do and makes them think that the problem is on their end and not on RSD's teachings.
Then you have the differences between the instructors styles - Alex who just says "approach, talk, make moves" and is all about being friendly and escalating very slowly versus Jeffy who is all about "approach, communicate man-to-woman, express not impress". Jeff (and Tyler) state that if you talk to the girl "friend-to-friend" then she won't be attracted to you. Well, Alex talks to the girls "friend-to-friend" and he has plenty of girls attracted to him. I'm pretty sure they just skirt the issue, Tyler rambles on about "different styles but the core fundamentals are the same". Which is true, the core fundamentals are the same - they approach a lot of girls and screen out the ones that don't like them, whether that's through fast escalation (most of RSD) or slow escalation and reading the signals (Alex). That's the reality, but no they say - the core fundamentals are "Core confidence, not giving a fuck what people think, expressing not impressing, freedom from outcome, intent, blah blah blah".
The fucking huge Elephant in the room which everyone hooked into RSD ignores or doesn't recognise cos their brain is too clouded (which was myself until very recently) with RSD bullshit is that there is only ONE reason why two COMPLETELY CONTRADICTORY styles work.......
It doesn't matter what you say or do! It's pre-determined whether the girl fancies you and whether she will sleep with you. You can walk up and talk friend to friend and the girl will be into you or not. You can walk up man-to-woman and the girl will be into you or not. I've done both. Jeffy shows a video where he shows him talking to a girl at the beginning of the night. He is talking "friend-to-friend" aka like Alex. She laughs a bit and then walks off to find her friends. Jeffy explains that she doesn't fancy him BECAUSE he doesn't go "man-to-woman". He could be right in some respect, she could be deliberately out looking for dick and she fancies him but when she sees him not escalating she looks to find someone who will. But the causality of attraction isn't "escalation". Jeffy then shows a different girl later in the night that he is escalating on and she is into him - he states that this is because he is "man-to-woman" with her. Maybe, but it's more likely she would have still fancied him anyway.
You've still got to make moves, you've still got to move things forward with a girl you like and sometimes if she likes you and is just looking for dick and you don't escalate fast then she will ditch you to find someone who will. But escalation isn't a pre-requisite of attraction. If it was then nobody would ever receive approach invitations and I certainly wouldn't have had sex with half the girls I've fucked.
Of course there is no business model if they just say "it's all pre-determined and there is nothing you can do about it". Just improve your look and style and approach a ton of girls or look for those giving you AIs. Ironically, Tyler is into "freedom from outcome" - apparently it's the "key" to getting laid. Well, there is no bigger freedom from outcome when you realise it's all pre-determined and if a girl likes you there is nothing you can really do to fuck it up!
The whole looks debate with RSD is tiring as well - Tyler and Jeffy go on about how they aren't good looking, how none of their instructors are good looking except Brad (whose game apparently is "nothing to do with his looks"). Well actually, no instructor in RSD is "ugly" and for the most part they all have a good look. They have style - they dress "cool". They don't look like uber nerds (except Tyler) but even Tyer dressed well and looks good most of the time. Julien, well the dude is over 6 foot and dresses like an archetypal LA douchebag who fucks hot chicks. It's nothing to do with his "game". Jeffy talks about his height and how it can't be looks because he is short. Well, guess what, it seems there are a number of girls who find a well dressed, muscular, short, slightly assholish, charasmatic man with a mullet attractive. He just finds them, screens out the ones that are not attracted and fucks them. Simple.
It's all so obvious now - but when they've hooked you in, your brain just finds every reason why its true. And half the people on that forum aren't even interested now in fucking girls - cold approaching is all about becoming a better man, or becoming socially fearless. Not bad goals but certainly completely unneeded to get laid a lot. Cold approach for everyone on that forum becomes almost a dick measuring competition. RSD publically state that you need to do the "hardest approaches to grow". So to get better at the game you are supposed to chuck yourself into a situation where success is probably less than 1%. Then of course when you eventually have that inevitable success in that situation (pure statistics) you attribute it to your "game". Of course it doesn't make sense then in the next situation like that you do that the girl rejects you but that's a cognitive dissonance that you just ignore. Indeed Jeffy even states that he "doesn't remember his rejections" - cognitive dissonance that his brain ignores.
Ozzie has his students stand in the middle of London being socially weird to give them confidence to approach girls. At least in his defence he says once you have no fear and just approach then there is nothing you need to do - if she likes you its on. You can't make her like you. But the rest of it - doing "fear drills" each night is a waste of time when you can just find girls that are into you and fuck you. That's going to boost your confidence more than overcoming your fears and being able to walk up to that girl in an impossible situation and "survive 2 minutes of conversation".
In RSD's eyes anyone who doesn't "cold approach" is a faggot - if you gave them the choice between having a lifestyle set up where they could bang the hottest girls constantly (film actor, model photographer, famous DJ etc.) or cold approach I think they would choose cold approach. I remember reading on the forum that someone asked Julien and Brad about this and they said they wouldn't want it because they would get "bored"! It's clear that it's not about the pussy but about showing off to their mates and becoming some kind of fearless machine because it means they have "core confidence" rather than "situational confidence" - i.e. they would rather get less hot pussy just so they can say "well that dude is only getting laid cos he is famous/rich and if you took him out of that environment he would not get laid - I can get laid anywhere, I have core confidence and he doesn't" --- completely missing the point that unless the whole of western society breaks down Jamie Foxx or whoever is never going to not be in that situation! I'd rather have situational confidence and be banging chicks like Vinnie Chase than be running around every night of my life chasing girls down the street. There is a reason RSD followers struggle to overcome their fear of what people think, its because everyone with any social intelligence instinctively realises that what Tyler and co promote is just fucking weird.
I remember being out with so called "naturals" who would just spot a girl giving them the eye, approach and escalate and get laid. I, on the other hand, would run around approaching until finally hooking up with --- Surprise, surprise! --- a girl who gives me the eye or makes it obvious from the first few minutes that she is into me. The brainwashing is so strong that you ignore these guys who tell you "dude stop approaching so much and watch for the girls that want you to approach" - you think that it's "chode" or that they are just taking what they can get. Despite the fact that you approached 50 girls to get laid that night and they approached 1 you still think it's better because there could be a shy girl who hasn't the courage to look at you even though it has never gone down that way before.
The level of brainwashing is so strong that I ended up still believing in it despite hooking up with my now girlfriend with no "game" whatsoever. I believed it was down to my "becoming an attractive man" after bootcamp, completely ignoring the fact that I was always attractive to girls and RSD had literally fuck all to do with it apart from encouraging me to approach and escalate towards sex, hence getting me laid more and me naturally concluding that it was RSD that made it so. RSD is sinister and highly manipulative.
If I look back at every girl that I fucked, fingered, got a blow job from, made out with it was "on" from the first few minutes. That was the case before game, during and now I'm in a relationship so it doesn't matter. It was "easy" and it just clicked, attraction already existed. Sure there were logistical obstacles but that's all you really need to "learn" in the game. Dealing with logistics and being ruthlessly efficient - screening girls out and being ruthless with the girls that already like you.
I wish I hadn't wasted so much money on their products, I wish someone had showed me this from the beginning but then again everything happens for a reason and I have fucked a lot of girls since joining this community. I just wish I hadn't been sold a lie and RSD hadn't taken credit for something that was always mine in the first place!