She is not the only girl who would want you, but run if she is

Men who lack success with women often hold questionable beliefs, as a direct consequence of their lack of experience. One example is the following comment, left on my post Let’s talk about Emotions:

Too bad there's a real possibility you dump that first girlfriend and never meet anyone again.

No, this is not a "real possibility". You can’t blame a guy who has little to no success with women to think like that, though. However, first you would have to know why that particular guy barely ever gets laid. This normally boils down to an unfortunate combination of poor presentation, little money, lack of social interactions. All of this is fairly standard. Then there are exceptions, and I’ve met a few of those men, who have their life together, dress well, are in shape, but still don’t get anywhere with girls. The issue those men have is that they don’t notice when a girl is interested, and don’t show any initiative either. I sometimes refer to this as “anti-game”.

No matter what your starting position is, and it may very well not be a particularly good one, you can improve your chances tremendously, if you work in yourself. The question is whether the potential pay-off is worth it, but that’s an entirely different issue. But let’s go back to the initial claim, and take it at face value. Indeed, if you are so desperate and so inexperienced that when you think of women you can only think of dry spells lasting years, you might be happy to take any girl who wants you. Careful you must be, young Pad wan!

Chances are that if you believe that the girl you are currently with would be the only one who would want you, you’re quite literally being set up. If you are an attractive guy who lacks self-confidence, then you are almost guaranteed to have paired up with a girl far below what you could get. Further, let’s look at the situation of the stereotypical unattractive nerd. Suddenly some girl shows great interest in you, and pushes the interaction forward. You are overjoyed that a real woman is interested in you. Finally! If anything, this should set off an alarm bell.

Pushy girls are either feeling their decreased sexual market value and getting desperate, or (this is an inclusive 'or') they are “reformed sluts” who realised that their lifestyle, while enjoyable at the moment, is not sustainable. Then there are women who very selectively chose their partners. I’m hardly the only guy who has met women like that, but I’ve met some rather peculiar ones. One woman made a point --- yes, she frequently verbalised this --- to only get involved with guys who were professionally rather well-established. Of course she would wait until she had sex with them because she had to properly check whether the guys had enough money for her plans. Eventually she found a sucker, and ‘accidentally’ got pregnant. Needless to say, she later on took him to the cleaners. From afar it all looked as if it was executed by clockwork. I bet all of you with just a little bit of experience have met, or at the very least heard of such women.

I think it is rather peculiar that we, as a society, warn young girls not to get involved with guys who will just pump and dump them — well, the warnings are there, but obviously not all girls heed the advice. But where are the societally sanctioned warnings to young men not to get involved with girls who seem to primarily have ulterior interests? Girls go gaga over the question whether the dick they’re currently riding might ‘love’ them, but as a guy you’re immediately branded a huge asshole if you question whether a woman might perceive you as a walking wallet.

Let’s be realistic, though: if women ignore you, then you can’t be very attractive. If you are attractive, but are unaware of it, or unable to take the initiative, you’re going to sell yourself short. So, what could that one girl who is oh-so into you possibly see in you that all the others don’t? Just as hot girls get pursued by many guys, so do attractive guys get plenty of chances. It doesn't mean that you would want to fuck all those girls, but the offers are definitely there. Likewise, hot girls don't want to go home with any dude who hits on them. If this is not part at all of your reality, and now suddenly one girl seems to desperately want you, then better ask yourself whether it is plausible that you are so special that only she saw something in you, but all the others didn't.