In a recent email exchange, a friend of mine dropped that he was now in a relationship. He doesn’t think it’s serious, but, as he remarked, she seems to be having big plans. I found this amusing, as it points towards a fundamental aspect of the female psyche: She always has big plans.
The previous statement might need some qualification. True, in this day and age, girls are supposed to behave like “alpha males”, go through a few dozen cocks as an expression of their independence, and manage to settle down before they hit the proverbial wall. What girls very quickly learn, though, is that it really is not so easy to get laid by alpha guys all the time, and those tend to quickly move on.
This leads to my experiences with women. I recall once hanging out with a community guy, and he asked me how I managed to keep girls around. I was baffled at first, because it wasn’t my experience at all that it takes much to keep girls around. It's much harder to get rid of them, in fact. I would certainly say that only a very small minority of women genuinely “use” guys for sex. If your one-night stand doesn’t call you back, it normally has two reasons. First, logistics just don’t work out, i.e. she’s only visiting, or has a boyfriend or husband anyway. The existence of Facebook can make this obvious very quickly. For instance, you might end up banging some chick who asked you repeatedly whether you were single --- only to find out later on that she is in a relationship. Cheating on some guy is obviously a lot easier than leaving a safe choice, hoping that the next guy is as reliable (= easy to control) as the previous one. In the end, convenience wins out in those cases.
Second, it may happen that you just weren’t that great in bed and she does not want to experience this again. This does not necessarily mean that you are a bad lover. It takes two to tango, and it can easily happen that her ideas of great sex are the diametrical opposite of your ideas. The exact reasons don't matter that much anyway, as the bottom line simply is that she just didn't feel great about it. Let's just hope she doesn't pull a false rape allegation out of her hat, even though that case might be more likely if she is in a relationship.
If she enjoys herself, though, chances are very high that she starts idealizing you. Probably anybody who ever managed to give a girl a decent orgasm during a one-night stand has experienced that your lover was fantasizing that other women must be chasing after you or that you probably have a lot of women on the side.
You don’t necessarily have to be the world’s greatest lover. It surely helps. However, it seems that very little has to come together to get girls chasing after you. To get a one-night stand you have to have your foundations in order, or you do the PUA thing and just dramatically lower your standards. But for a regular relationship, particularly if the women you interact with claim they are “getting bored of clubbing”, i.e. they notice that really don’t get so much attention anymore when they are going out, they normally aren’t too keen on going back to dating around, and will try to make it work with the guy they currently have. If you witness this as an observer, it provides some unintentional humor. The playbook is as follows: she met a guy who is oh-so-great. Then she was pushing too hard, and freaking him out because she couldn't stop blathering about having kids, with the result that he bolted. At the same time, Prince Charming transformed into your garden variety insensitive asshole.
Women with better social skills, though, escalate relationships more carefully. Knowing that she most likely won't get a buff billionaire, she tries to make a good choice while she is still appealing to some guys. However, she does not have all the time in the world. This leads to an explanation why women break up: because the guy just didn't want to commit. She has to hit the mile stones moving in, marrying, kids, because otherwise she will not only question the viability of the relationship, but also has to get a grip on her insecurities. The limited time horizon leads to older women trying to rush through relationship milestones.
I am tempted to say that any woman who wants children and is not completely brainwashed is perfectly aware that her time is limited. Thus, you can observe that younger women may date around a bit more often, but as they get older, their desperation grows, which means that suddenly they have to make it work with any semi-decent guy. Note that this does not necessarily mean an imagined happy-ever-after, but instead her goals are much more about securing resources. Their time is running out. If she's past 30, she will have really big plans for you. On the other hand, if she's in her 20s, she'll slowly introduce you to her plans --- and if you don't play along, she will dump you for a guy who gets her what she wants.
What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!
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