Mailbag: Involuntary celibacy is a symptom of shortcomings in your life

I received an interesting comment by lance84 on What is ‘hope’ worth to you? He wrote:

Usually when a man finds himself in an extended period of involuntary celibacy, it is usually indicative of shortcomings in other areas of life. When this is the case, focus should be shifted from his failings with women to overall self improvement. When enough "betterment" is obtained, pussy should come pouring in, which is just the cherry on top of the sense of being a more fulfilled man. 

I don’t agree with the self-help lingo, but the general observation remains. If you chase women like crazy but you can’t get anywhere, then it’s time you take a long, hard look at yourself. It could well be that your environment is not conducive for picking up girls. Small, conservative towns spring to mind. However, in any reasonably-sized city, there should be plenty of available women around — but most certainly not enough to brainlessly run PUA game.


Pussy won’t “come pouring in”, however, it is clearly noticeable that you’ll get a lot more interest from women if you’ve got something going on in your life. This doesn’t mean that you have to rake it in big. For a lot of girls, being a relatively hot guy with a lot of spare time is a good enough reason to stick around, even if you don’t have a lot of dough. On the other hand, some disposable income will give you access to girls as well.

This leads to another one of those obvious truths which many men seem to find uncomfortable: there are girls around who specifically target men who are a bit better off. They get into those bars and clubs by being hot and wearing nice clothes. Guys get in because they have money. Now you might want to draw parallels at prostitution, and it wouldn’t be much of a stretch, but it’s not as if all those guys are utterly naive. They tend to be aware that girls are primarily drawn towards them because they’re relatively well off.

Thus, one way to get access to girls is to have some money and be willing to spend it. Again, pussy won’t come “pouring in”, but hitting on chicks in upscale venues is a rather civilised activity, albeit the interactions can be a bit cold, since they want to figure out what you’re worth. So, obviously, money is one way to get girls. If you don’t have money, either find ways to make money, or find other ways to get girls.

But what if you’re one of the guys who like to work on “something”, be it a particular hobby or some kind of intellectual interest. In that case it is quite likely that a lot of your energy focuses not on how to get laid, but on how to get to the next level, literally, say in martial arts and their belt examinations, or figuratively. What you notice with such guys is that because they are focussing on something, they are simply less concerned about having women in their life. The extreme opposite is the guy who has a regular job, no real hobbies, is constantly bored and thinks he needs a woman to fill the void in his life. For the former, women are indeed the cherry on top, and the women will be all the more happier to be with such a guy because they don’t obsess over them. Guys in the latter category, though, will find out that women are not the key to happiness.