Wednesday, May 4, 2016

On Tinder: "31. Married. Three children. (Just kidding!)"

I recently signed up for Tinder, strictly for research purposes (this is no joke; maybe there will be some news in that regard sometime soon). As I was swiping around, mostly in the "nope" direction, to be honest, I made some rather curious observations. The most striking one was that there are a ton of older women (27+) on that app. Even more striking was that many of them seemed blissfully unaware of biology. Some had cute emotional messages like that they are sick of "so-called men who only want to have fun" in their profile. Tinder seems to be more of a regular dating app these days anyway, so it's not quite so absurd that they are looking for more than a hookup, even though they may not find it.
Some profiles almost made me sad, though. For instance, there was one of a 31 year-old woman. She had very attractive facial features, to be sure, so she was not one of the many older women who were either never good looking, or only good looking once because they were young. On her profile she wrote, "Married. Three Children.", and after several blank lines, "(Just kidding!)". The humor was lost on me. Well, whether she wanted to have kids or not is entirely her choice, and of course people don't need to be married to be (un)happy. All of that would be besides the point anyway.

To me it seems she wanted to humorously distract from the fact that she was older, yet still looking for hookups, and was not able to get a man when she was in her prime. By doing so, though, she only drew more attention to the difficult situation she was in, because the first thought that comes to my mind when I see a clearly attractive single woman is why on earth she was unable to tie down a guy. Normally, the reason is pretty obvious: plenty of guys want to fuck them, but those women are such a mess that eventually all the guys bail. I made this observation myself plenty of times. Say, you meet a good-looking woman, start banging her, but the more you get to know her, the more you realize that you have to cut her off sooner rather than later because they are drama queens, highly manipulative, and possibly even bipolar.

Note that I am not saying that good-looking women are necessarily a mess. However, whenever you meet a good-looking woman who is unable to keep a man, you need to take a long hard look. If you are looking for love on Tinder, and you meet women who write stuff that seems odd, you are probably better off swiping for "nope".

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!
(Also, if you’ve got a comment that is off-topic or only tangentially related to this article, then please post in the most recent Open Thread. Thank you.)

21 comments:

  1. I'm actually getting tinder really soon as a 20 year old guy. My experiences should be interesting. Anyways loving the consistency of your content lately Aaron. Please keep it up.

    - An appreciative reader

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    1. Feel free to post some of your impressions on Tinder, either on a relevant blog post or in the Open Thread.

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  2. I can say a lot about Tinder. It's actually all the hype in the pickup community now, with gurus claiming they match and get responses close to 100% of the time and with guys from RSD and elsewhere always posting their Tinder convos and asking what they should say next. It's not much different from your typical online dating site in that it is mostly ugly fat women and the few good-looking women get bombarded.

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    1. Women receive attention regardless of appearance. It all comes down to marketing and advertising yourself with pictures. Of course, handsome men probably do not put in as much effort. My one and only lay from Tinder was with an unattractive Filipina woman. She fit my strong preference for Asians and was down to fuck. Other than that, it has been a crapshoot for me.

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  3. Tinder is a great way to get laid in my opinion. I only have experience with street game and tinder, very little with clubbing. With street game I had sex with about 10 out of 50 dates in one year. With tinder it has been 7/14 in half a year and I don't have to get shot down many times in the street any more! I will admit that the girls I have met in real life were cooler and better looking overall, plus it is more of an adventure.

    I have put in my profile that I am looking to get a quick drink, not an online chat, and just propose to meet after some small talk. Not a very exciting way to get laid, but it does the job :)

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  4. Note that I am not saying that good-looking women are necessarily a mess.

    Out of the many things I've learned over the years, there is one thing I can easily ascertain as almost a fact.

    -> If a woman is single* and attractive, she is crazy.

    (*for more than 2 weeks at a time)

    It really is that simple. If you're a woman, and you're attractive, you literally have all the choice in the world. It's literally impossible for an attractive (and sane) woman to be single for more than two weeks.

    Unless she is purposefully choosing to take time off of relationships - no attractive woman is unable to get a boyfriend.

    This is the reason why you run into so many chicks with unpleasant personalities when you go trying to pick up chicks in a singles scene

    If she's single, and attractive - the odds are that she is insane. This is one reason you can start thinking all women are fucked up when you get into pickup, because you're mostly approaching the women who were too crazy to keep a boyfriend.

    Sure, you might approach the sane chick in that 2 week buffer while she's inbetween relationships. You might approach the sane chick who's single by choice. Most often however, most attractive single chicks that you meet are going to be insane.

    - Most of the attractive chicks you meet are bipolar.
    - That might lead you to thinking "oh, so most attractive chicks are bipolar".

    But that would be a logical fallacy.

    Most attractive chicks are sane, they're just at home snuggling with their boyfriend. By the way, this is one reason so many guys claim they meet much better quality chicks in the daytime. You're approaching the sane majority - they're the ones with boyfriends, who don't have to go to singles scenes.

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    1. Hahaha, nice !

      Maybe not 2 weeks, but something like 2-3 months.

      Also, note that this is precisely why I focus on the new members. And just like you said they don't usually stay long on the dating website before finding a boyfriend (in this case me). Something like 1 month. (Even though I just said 2-3 months is ok. But it is dependent on the environment, demographics and logistics too.)

      For example, my first girlfriend found her next bf within 1 month (+ 2 months buffer before) and then the next next one within 2 months (+ 1 month buffer before).

      Hahaha, I think in the daytime there are a lot of weirdos too ! In fact, I seem to meet mostly weirdos everywhere haha !

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    2. Truer words have never been spoken.

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    3. The Plague DoctorMay 5, 2016 at 2:25 AM

      AlekNovy: "Out of the many things I've learned over the years, there is one thing I can easily ascertain as almost a fact."

      A fact? Or a statistical fallacy?

      Berkson's Paradox (plot).

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    4. @Plague Doctor

      I already covered that wannabe wise-ass, It's later down in the comment, find the "logical fallacy" part.

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    5. The Plague DoctorMay 5, 2016 at 8:29 AM

      No, smark ale(c)k, the fallacy which you identified is something else entirely.

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    6. I mostly respect your opinion, Alek, but don't agree with the 2 week window. Any attractive and sane woman I know that is single is not always single by choice. They know their value and generally won't settle. They want a decent guy and will often wait until ones comes along. Some will stay will stay single for months so I don't think the 2 week window holds much truth.

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    7. Obviously "2 weeks" is more tongue in cheek than anything. 2-3 month average is a realistic average.

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    8. @Last anonymous:

      When I say attractive girl, I don't mean a successful surgeon who also does fitness modelling and teaches meditation on the side. I didn't say "super attractive in every way". By attractive I don't mean "top 2% of girls". I don't mean a girl who is so rare that it takes time for her to meet her equal.

      I just mean a girl who's attractive enough to where most men are like "yeah, she's cute enough for a girlfriend". I.E your average cutie. The kind you see a bunch of when strolling through a mall and are like "would bang".

      "They know their value and generally won't settle"

      That means she's a narcissistic cunt, i.e. insane.

      Unless you're talking about a top 2% girl who's waiting for a top 1% guy. In that case you might have a point and it is ok if she's rejecting 5794 guys until mr. amazing comes along. But I'm not talking about top 2% of girls. I'm talking about a girl who doesn't actually deserve a top-notch 1% guy.

      If a girl is in the top 40% of girls (where the "attractive girl" range starts), then the sane thing for her is to "settle" for guys in the top 40%.

      Mind you, a girl like that, if she's sane, she gets dozens of relationship offers by guys in her league. Guys who ARE her equal.

      If she's not getting dozens of such offers a month - she has a character flaw. Fact.

      If she is getting such offers (in her league) and refusing them, again, she a character flaw called narcissism. She's over-estimating her value with this "not settling" bullshit.

      If a 40% er girl is rejecting hundreds of 40%er guys and holding out for a 1%er guy, she IS actually insane.



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    9. @AssDoctor

      I'm writing a rant, not a doctoral dissertation asshole.

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    10. Alek is right.

      Unfortunately most western girls are narcissists.

      Every time I met a girl I was totally in love with, she was always super emotionnally healthy and never had that "I know my value"-attitude.

      Btw, it's the same for us. If we are narcissists cunts, we will only attract/meet shitty people (girls), while everytime I just decide to be cool and be nice with average girls, I always meet a ton of cool people (girls). It makes my relationships better and my life happier. And eventually I meet an awesome attractive girl that becomes my gf.

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    11. Clarification on this paragraph I wrote:


      Unless you're talking about a top 2% girl who's waiting for a top 1% guy. In that case you might have a point and it is ok if she's rejecting 5794 guys until mr. amazing comes along. But I'm not talking about top 2% of girls. I'm talking about a girl who doesn't actually deserve a top-notch 1% guy.


      And this was me being charitable by coming up with a hypothetical scenario where "yeah I guess a girl could be meeting only men way below her level". But this is a VERY implausible scenario. Her being a self-deluded narcissist is the more likely option.

      Mind you, like attracts like. If she's a top 1% girl, she will get invited to, and spontaneously become friends with top 1% social circles. She WILL BE surrounded by guys at her level.

      And if an attractive girl is surrounded by guys her level, UNLESS SHE HAS A MASSIVE CHARACTER FLAW, she will be constantly getting offers from men of her level. It is that simple.

      This scenario where a girl deserves top 1% guys, but somehow she's always meeting guys of much lower ranks... That's implausible. It's far more likely she's over-estimating her value.

      TL:DR - if an attractive girl has been single for longer stretches of time, involuntarily. She is crazy. It is that simple.

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    12. I agree how girls over-estimate their value. Thanks to Tinder (as well as social media "like" buttons), the validation and 'social proof' from thirsty guys inflates their ego to extremes.

      I don't use Tinder but I saw it in action. A 25 year-old male acquaintance was with me at a public social event, with 50/50 ratio of guys and girls (age range 22-34).

      He turned on the Tinder app and just swiped right like mad, without really looking at the pics or profiles. He probably swiped right to 30 profiles in 15 seconds.

      Imagine that happening with MANY other guys...and then you have girls thinking all these guys want them. Boom, their self-perception skyrockets.

      Ironically, when I asked him to actually approach the women at this social event, y'know, IN THE FLESH... he looked at me like I was insane. "It's 2016 bro, you don't do that no more".

      In fact, I joked that you should tap a woman on her shoulder and "swipe right" on her shoulder...to which he said, "THAT's SEXUAL ASSAULT!".

      We are definitely moving toward androgyny, VR-sex and fembots. Sounds like an Return of Kings statement and yet...it's not so far-fetched!!

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    13. I think I already posted on this blog about how science-fiction (50s-60s-70s, even before of course) got everything wrong when talking about dystopia (always imagining a terrible future for poor little women), because we are actually going towards a future where it will be horrible to be a man.

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    14. I don't think men will have it that much worse than women in our shared dystopian future. Right now, women are riding high based on the past and present achievements of men. Just wait until some companies realize that they are no longer competitive due to having embraced diversity, and the tables will quickly turn again. In fact, I am tempted to say that we are currently witnessing the early stage of a massive backlash against feminism and liberalism. All over Europe, right wing parties are having massive gains. In the US, Trump is going strong. Britain exiting the EU is quite possible. The only question is whether we can turn the ship around in time, considering that several European states, and presumably parts of the US, too, are no longer fully functional. The US has lost control of the massive influx of Mexicans. Similarly, countries like Belgium, France, Germany and Sweden are pretty fucked.

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    15. Here are two videos that echo your May 7 1pm comment, Aaron:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaOLgy3YKtA

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTROCGb5qj8

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