Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A Note on Confidence and Being Cool

I was just going through some recent comments, and came across an excellent one of Skeptic. In response to my Paleo, Freedom Porn, and Tim Ferriss piece, he wrote:
Aaron, I am with you. I can't stand these human exploiters like Timothy Ferriss, Neil Strauss, Robb Wolf, Mark Sisson, PUA community, crapaleo/crossfit community, Fight Club quoting, pseudo-rebel, pseudo-intellectual idiots. A bunch of blind morons who desperately want to belong to some "modern man's man" cult. It's weak and pathetic and I'm tired of it. 
It's also ironic that being "cool" and "charismatic" usually means exactly the opposite of what most people are already doing when they are looking for answers on forums or reading too many self-help books. To be cool/charismatic (which are both kind of stupid concepts anyway when you understand the deeper meaning they point towards) means not really giving a fuck whether you are defined cool or charismatic. Not even giving a fuck whether you give a fuck or not. It also means not needing to be either a leader or a follower of any kind. It's a huge thing to grasp. And to let go of all the bullshit and go one's own path alone seems to be an impenetrable obstacle for most men. 
It's probably always been this way. And always will be. Maybe not. Maybe we could have a society of geniuses one day given the right environment. 
Nevertheless, it seems that most great artists, scientists, philosphers we're iconoclasts. At least in their given field. They were also beyond movements or dogmas. Most of them died unknown and mad. The legends and icons became only after death e.g. Einstein pins.
The part in bold is something everyone who looks towards other people for advice and guidance should think about for a moment or two. No matter what you do, if you only follow someone else, the upside is fairly limited. Sure, it is a fairly risk-free strategy in pretty much any area of life, but it is also one that is limiting.

Speaking of "being cool", I find it ironic that the fashion and advertising industry presents us over and over with new images we should aspire too. However, if we are all "cool", then no one is. This is because then there'll be too many similar people around. Instead, find your own style, figure out your own taste, and don't try to please other people. It's worse enough if you have to do so during work, but in your spare time, you should listen to yourself instead.

In my opinion, the wish to conform often just results from a need to get approval. Of course, if you look like everything else, act like everybody else, listen to the same music as everyone else, and buy what everyone else does, you know that you'll fit in. You'll at least fit in until the next iPhone is released, or the fashion industry tells you that it's now time buy jeans again. It's a never-ending circle. But what if you had developed enough confidence to do what you like?


  1. Now this is a thought provoking post. I really like the post you quoted, Sleazy. So much so that I'm not going to add anything. Except for this:

    I have tried some PUA techniques myself, but quit doing that quite soon. I just couldn't bring myself to being a persona. Though sometimes it IS fun to walk up to a girl, be totally awkward and ask an awkward question... Helps getting out of the comfort zone.

    Right now, I'm just doing what feels good. In life in general, that is. And precisely that makes me more confident. For example, I dance salsa for almost 2 years now, and let me tell you that mastering a dance will increase your confidence on the dance floor big time.

    Also, I think there's more to work than just being a slave. A lot of people are like that, including moi. But if you follow your heart's desire, and even manage to succeed that way, things get much better. Especially when you know you add value. A good boss will notice this, and stop bossing you around. But in times like these, or maybe: societies like ours, this is far from easy.

    Lastly, but this may be nitpicking: I don't believe we will ever have a society of geniuses. From a religious point of view (which would be mine ;) ) this makes no sense. And I think that from a strictly atheist point of view, it also doesn't. Don't believe it's something that goes well with evolution (think about it: it's really not man that's a succesful species, but it's parasitical micro-organisms that are).

    Just my $0.00002.

  2. Exactly. It's just hyped up self help shit. That's to say, it doesn't work or mean anything. Like the book, "The Secret".

    All the people into all that shit are fat, married to a fat, nagging whore, and going to the free gym Yoga class once every three months.

    1. You gotta wonder why so many NLP grandmasters are morbidly obese chain-smoking alcoholics.

  3. @ Aaron: thnx for the re-post... It's good to know other people see the bullshit too and don't take themselves that seriously.

    @ jcz: about your comment on everybody being a genius, I think Aaron's statement "if we are all cool, then no one is" (brilliant way to put it btw) applies here as well.

    The Secret, hahahahahahahahahaha. I actually attempted to read that masterpiece of scandalism many years back and even tortured myself in amusement at the movies, press, etc. How fucking dumb can we get?
    It's actually a great book. It filters out all the below retard-level intelligence folk.

  4. "The Secret" can really be used as a litmus test for whether a girl deserves serious consideration if you are looking for a relationship, because if she believes in that stuff, she's just too stupid. Some girls will even bring it up themselves in conversation. It's almost like the modern version of, "What's your star sign?" (That mainstream pickup teaches men to waste their time with such nonsense so that they can look appealing to imbecile women is nothing but tragic.)


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