Thursday, November 13, 2014

Game is at least as much about preparation as it is about execution

Why is it that guys who fell for pickup gurus believed that “technique” was what would get them the girls? Of course, if you’re a PUA guru and want to scam guys out of their money, it makes sense to dramatically downplay the importance of money and looks. Yet, if you’re a regular guy, you’re probably aware of your own perception of women, in sexual terms, and know that it’s primarily a visual response. You normally don’t need to talk to her to know that you would want to fuck her. On the other hand, there is apparently a subset of men who think that the principles of sexual attraction are a one-way street and that hot girls would bang unattractive men if they only said some magic incantations.

I’ve ridiculed those beliefs plenty of times. However, let’s discuss in more constructive ways what you can do to become more attractive. As I thought more about this, it dawned on me that you could condense all plausible pickup advice to saying that game is mostly preparation. This obviously includes your lifestyle, physical fitness, disposable income, clothes, or the location of your apartment. The “game” is mostly over when you’re actually approaching her.

Of course all of this is obvious to anybody who goes out and regularly interacts with women. They notice that some women react positively to them, while most are either indifferent or just not into you. On the other hand, guys who don’t take care of themselves only know that women are generally indifferent to them. Even that is too strong a statement to make. Instead, they are, quite frankly, invisible to women. It’s apparently much more difficult to formulate reasonable hypotheses on dating and mating if this applies to you.

Yet, just like you might say to yourself that you would like to fuck this or that woman, and it’s something you normally figure out pretty quickly, so do women size you up in an incredibly short amount of time. An exception are women who are looking for a provider, since they want to figure out how much money you have. Those you’re probably better off avoiding altogether. Given physical attraction, it’s more or less only a matter of availability whether you’re going to get laid, which might depend on your or her relationship status and access to a location where you can have sex in, and that’s basically it. However, if you’re not in a position where a reasonably large number of women indicates sexual availability to you, the question on how to get them to have sex with you is irrelevant since it’s simply not an option. Ask any of the “1000 approaches and 1 date” guys to learn more about this!


  1. Thank you for this post.

    This is such common sense, I still don't understand why nobody gets it.

    1. Ah, the good old backhanded "it's common sense" compliment!

      When I began promoting my san alternative to the idiotic routine-based version of game that was taught by the seduction community, first in Debunking the Seduction Community, then in Minimal Game, suddenly some people came out of the woodwork to claim that what I wrote was just "common sense". But here's a newsflash: if all if this was "common sense' then how come anybody ever fell for any kind of scam?

    2. Don't know if your tone is sarcastic or not. I was actually saying I agree with you...

      So Chris Common-Sense ( knows that cold approach is bullshit but he doesn't know that girls like you from the beginning or never ?

      Please !

      I said : "This is such common sense, I still don't understand why nobody gets it." I said : "I still don't understand why nobody gets it" Nobody gets it even if it's common sense. They prefer to listen to PUA bullshit. Don't know why.

      Plenty of things are such common sense and only few people get it. Common sense does NOT mean "everybody knows that !"

    3. I'm glad that we agree after all. :)

      Sorry for being a bit sensitive in that regard, but I got the "dude, that's just common sense" charge from a particular corner of the Internet that used to fall head over heels for Mystery style old-school game a few too many times. Yes, common sense is absolutely not common.

  2. I think guys believe in PUA because all their life they've been told that looks don't matter as much for women as they do for men, that girls care more about your "internal beauty" than your external appearance. I've myself been told that a lot when growing up, and this is why I believed in PUA when I first stumbled upon it. I've been lucid enough not to buy any product, because all their routines seemed overly complicated and ridiculous to me. Add to that the fact that everything PUAs sell is more than expensive. However, a more gullible (and I don't claim to be the least gullible man ever) and desperate guy will fall into the scam, the same way people are trapped into cults like Scientology or whatever.

    When you begin to interact with women regularly (not even getting laid, just talking to women everyday) you soon find out the truth when you hear them talking about how hot the guy they have a crush on is, or how they they speak of the ugly guys out there...

    1. I thought only unattractive girls were fed the "inner beauty" bullshit. I don't think I ever got any of this myself.

  3. "However if you're not in a position where reasonably large amount of women indicate sexual availability to you,the question of how to get them to have sex with you is simply irrevelant since its simply not an option." I gather that this is true ninetynine percent of the the time. But are there a few exceptions were women can be playing coy. The reason I ask is because my perception of women's response to my presence is mostly indifference, many of my coworkers and fellow students assume that I'm some kind of ladies man(which unfortunately is the furthest thing from the truth.)

    1. How do you know they assume it? Here's a hint: if they say or imply that you surely must get laid a lot they tell you that they find you sexually attractive.

  4. I first got into the pickup community back in 2008. I wish I had instead applied myself in studies, work, friendships, and going out to socialize. I unfortunately was so down that I couldn't even think for myself anymore while I read abysmal, almost inhumane articles. My upright wholesome character degenerated, and I don't have much to be proud of today. I deplore my situation and myself for letting myself down like this.

    I am 26, I have no job, no money, a GPA of 1.5 at uni, where the average is about 3 - 4, I have completed one semester of a three year course, I owe the government $35,000 in uni debt from failing so many subjects because I couldn't focus with all the shit going through my mind, I have no real friends I can rely on or trust.

    Now I have some idea of how the 'game' works, but not without a heavy price. Earlier this year heavily depressed, I masturbated so much that 90 - 95% of the surface area underneath the tip of my penis is now eroded. The nerve endings are long gone and the circumference and thickness of the head of my penis has also reduced to at least two thirds in size. When I fornicate, I no longer feel those specific nerve endings running underneath my shaft. I may as well be shoving my fingers in there for the same feeling.

    I finally have the confidence in myself to talk and fuck women, and now that I can, I don't experience major pleasure from sex. It's sometimes almost like a chore now because I'm not feeling anything much. This is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It's definitely had a psychological effect on me. When I first found this out a few months back, I no longer felt sex worthy, masculine. It took me a while to get over it, and focus more on cunnilingus for her enjoyment.

    Well just wanted that out in the open. Have a good day.

    1. Thank you very much for sharing your story!

      It's an important warning to young insecure men. I don't look down on you, since I have the impression, that if I had been a little less lucky, I'd might as well find myself in a similar situation today.

      This religion of sex sucks far too much mental capacities away from me, too. I wonder how productive, happy and healthy I might be if I was asexual.

      Wish you all the best! Take care, mate!


  5. So true! Game is merely an attempt to compensate for irrevocable inadequacies that you simply cannot accept. If who you ARE - your irrevocable self, your qualities after you've done everything to be your best - simply isn't enough to get you hot girls, you shift to thinking that what you DO can make up for it. It's a natural shift born of desperation.

    Its very hard to face up to a severe and final, no-court-of appeal limitation on what kind of women we can get, especially since in the modern non-religious West getting hot girls is often seen as the most important thing in life and one of the best measures of your value as a human being (an extremely pernicious view that has no basis in evolutionary psychology, as its proponents try to claim, but is highly relative and historically contingent)

    In fact, I think modern life in general leads to huge amounts of young men developing this particular kind of dysfunction relating to feelings of inadequacy. The "grandiosity" of game, the talk about "dominance" and "value" and similar nonsense, is a reaction to feelings of inadequacy that modern conditions tend to create, I believe. In traditional societies everyone had a certain value and assigned role that for the most part you couldn't escape. This led both to everyone (or most people) feeling they had a certain value, but also to acceptance that others were higher or lower than you and acceptance of your own position, as you knew you couldn't change it.

    Today, no has a fixed position, and no one has a basic recognized value, and we are constantly told that anyone can do or be anything, so if you can't do it its your fault and you're worthless. It's quite an absurd point of view, but it leads to huge amounts of discontent, restlessness, and feelings of inadequacy on the part of most people. Today, lots of unattractive guys who never had a shot at getting a hot girl through no fault of their are actually led to believe its their "fault", and they are worthless for not figuring out how to do it.

    I actually find this basic dichotomy in how one thinks, "being" versus "doing", very interesting and illuminating of a wide variety of human behavior

    For instance, a person with healthy self-esteem isn't concerned with validating himself through achievements or actions so much, because he has a strong sense that who he IS - prior to any action - has value. Of course, he might achieve a great deal and be very successful, but not out of a need to validate himself. A person with low self-esteem is often obsessed with "achievement" as a means of self-validation because he has a strong sense that who or what he IS is inadequate and the only way he'll ever "be" something is through actions.

    I think it all boils down to being unwilling to face your limitations. Each guy has limitations he simply cannot surmount, and for some, perhaps even MANY, guys these limitations are quite severe. They simply will NEVER be able to get an attractive woman. At best they can get an average woman, which in the West often means fat/doesn't take care of herself terribly well.

    Now this is a life sentence for many guys. Even after they get style right, better bodies, etc, they still won't

    1. lol if a fat girl that doesn't take care of herself very well is average, my goodness, we definetly have a shortage of attractive women (since everything above average should be considered attractive). So I don't think this is what an average women looks like.

      What you're saying is true, you're starting position, you're genetics, the family you're born in, definetly place limitations on you as a person. This is also true for society as a whole. Some produce class mobility and others have a very rigid class system.

      Accepting limitations can be quite liberating actually. I remember back in the early days, that I always thought to myself: "god dammit why am I only 5f9". But then I started looking at what I did have, and there were definetly many other qualities in which I had an advantage. My thinking back then was actually quite narcisistic f.e. I thought: "well if I was 6 foot, combined with all my other qualities, I would be the "perfect" guy". I can't believe I used to think that.

      But on a bright side, most guys can definetly get good results with women, once they start putting in the effort. Also, if one night stands don't work out, then there's always the option of being a well-off guy that girls would want to marry.

    2. Great comment, John! (You're not the John, who runs this blog, are you? )

      But I don't quite know about the last paragraph. Maybe a bit too fatalistic/pessimistic. At least I hope it is =P

      My take is, that if you are an average guy, who dresses reasonably well and fits well in his (reasonably big) social circle, you should sooner or later stumble across a decent chick, who wants your D or to be your girlfriend. She might not be a stunner, but at least not ugly either.

      I think the average Joe's main problem is, that there will never be enough offers for casual sex with decent or even hot women. And especially in todays western society a girl friend and the sex she deals out will not be worth the associated costs, risk and the overall hassle.

      Just my two cents.


    3. Wow so much non sense in here.... Actually women are not attracted to the beuty of a man, they are attracted to his character which determines his ability to protect and provide for her. Displaying Alpha characters is sexually attractive for a women the same as beuty is sexually attractive to a man. If you want women then you got to man up! I have seen ugly old guys being able to pick up any women you could imagine out there, it is really nothing to do with beuty for us men. Offcourse you need to take care of yourself, you need to be groomed and look reasonable well put together but there is no need at all to be a Brad Pit or George Clooney.

    4. First: learn to spell.
      Second: open your eyes.

      Seriously, dude, how do you explain one night stands or chicks blowing/fucking dudes after minutes in a bath room stall? It's not as if you could demonstrate your great personality to them. You want hot chicks, chicks want hot guys (or walking wallets).

  6. The honesty in this post is a nice change of pace. Luckily I have a long way to go in terms of getting more fit (started off as a twig 3 months ago, so it'll be a while), getting nicer clothes, etc. so we'll see what level of attractiveness I can achieve at my best. Definitely have a serious fear of hitting my personal potential and then still being unhappy with the level of girl I'm able to pull. I guess at that point it'll just be time to turn to hookers?

    It's definitely a bummer, but it's also completely fair. If I was extremely hot, I wouldn't ever hook up with anything less than extremely hot girls, so I don't blame the hotties out there for not wanting to hook up with a very average looking guy like myself. At least I have a decent job so I can buy my way to what I want if all else fails.


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