Friday, July 24, 2015

Yes, you sadly have to be (somewhat) exceptional to get girls

I noticed some traffic from a forum on hairloss to my blog, which sounded a bit odd. As it turned out, Mr. Balding has been trying to get some assistance from his little support group. It's somewhat odd to see some guys getting their panties in a twist and calling me an "asswipe", "Pathetically predictable (hemorrhoid) 'roid dopehead" (that's quite creative!) or a "privileged fullhead".

One comment stood out in particular:
This! That's the paradox, they say it doesn't matter but all of a sudden you need to become this exceptional man in every area of his life to compensate for it. They don't even get the irony.
I did not claim that you need to be exceptional in any area. However, it is a sad fact of life that women gravitate towards top-shelf men. Even a '3' may think she deserves a '7'. A few years ago a study by OKCupid made the rounds online, according to which women consider 80 % of men to be below average.
[W]omen rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.
So, where does that leave average guys? It means that women, even when they initiate contact with you on an online dating site, may very well detest you because they are so deluded that they think they secretly deserve a male 10, but they rather get some loser in the mean time until Prince Charming descends from his horse and kneels down in front of her.

You do not have to have your life in perfect order. However, getting a few parts of your life in order will go a very long way in making you stand out from the competition. I can already hear the nay-sayer that this won't work if everybody did it. Yes, this is true. However, most guys won't bother and rather maintain their slob-like existence.

If there is one area in your life where you are severely lacking, and you do want to sleep with women without paying for it, you better compensate for it. In the concrete example of balding, it would indeed be highly beneficial to spend more time in the gym.

Further, on that hair loss forum I was criticised for inferring that Mr. Balding must have at least some money. Yes, if you can save up 4500 Euros, you can't be poor. People seem to have highly skewed perceptions of wealth distribution. Mainstream media regularly speak of average salaries, or average household net worth. However, the median is normally a lot lower. In some extreme cases, like in Germany, the median is dramatically lower than the mean. A fairly high number of people live from pay cheque to pay cheque.

I'm of course conjecturing, but I would be very surprised if Mr. Balding was not in the top 50 % in terms of economic success. Then, we have to observe that he is able to express himself in the English very well. Mastering a second language is no small feat either. I know, I know, everybody and his dog claims to be fluent in English, but it's quite rare, even among educated people, to find someone who is able to express himself well in another language on a non-trivial level. So, we can already assume that Mr. Balding is smarter than the average guy, more ambitious than the average guy, and has, quite likely, more money than the average guy in his home country. If he started to lift weights, it would take him maybe a year or two, and he'd be far above average in that regard as well. At that point we would invariably put Mr. Balding in the category of men women find at the very least not unattractive.

Someone who has built an identity around viewing himself to be a loser because he is bald --- it's obvious that he is still incredibly insecure about this issue ---, on the other hand, may find it difficult to notice the many advantages they have, and the ways the could compensate for their weaknesses. The dating arena is indeed a rather harsh environment. Guys may find it "unfair" that they have to work harder to get girls, but on the plus side, you can increase your chances a lot. Better-looking women may enjoy some years full of attention, but they are all going to face a rude awakening if they think the gravy train will never end.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!
(Also, if you’ve got a comment that is off-topic or only tangentially related to this article, then please post in the most recent Open Thread. Thank you.)


  1. How do you think I've built this identity Aaron? Feedback.

    I tried, I tried really hard like many other bald guys (the ones on the little support group) to tell myself that it didn't make me less of a man, that I still had the same value as a bald man. But the world out there, the women, they will make sure that you know your place.

    I'm not rich by the way. My mother paid half of the hair transplant and she had to cancel a holiday to be able to do so. She's seen me suffer over the years and wanted it to stop too. She can now see that I'm much happier.

    Anyway, the problem is fixed, at least for now. And I'm happy, I can't stress that enough. I was able to get my master's degree a month ago with a lot more peace of mind. The last few months, I've also worked in a quite prestigious company. My girlfriend is the sweetest thing ever and I get positive attention from other women now. All of that because I made the right choice: getting a hair transplant. Not spending time int he gym or becoming rich.

    Aaron, You're so down to earth on other issues, why can't you be on this one? How are lifting weights and making money going to solve the fact that you're bald? You'll go to the same places, with the same social circle. And you will still be bald, bald and clothed, your muscles and money not being obvious or even visible at all. Your bald head on the other hand will be. And that's what women will care about.

    1. Your blinders are the size of the Great Wall of China. You don't even realize that what you say does not make any sense. Of course two people can dress like bums, and one of them could be a millionaire while the other is broke. However, wearing clean, well-fitting clothes, and decent shoes may very well be out of the reach of the former. For some reason you fail to realize how comfortable you already are. Even if you mother paid half the cost of the hair transplant: pick ten random people from society, and at least half will not be able to cough up 2250 Euros.

      Also, I don't see how balding affects economic or academic success. I have met plenty of people who work at prestigious companies, and let me tell you: the professional world is hardly a modelling contest.

      Lastly, even packing on a bit of muscle will become obvious. I've been making an effort to go from slender and toned to slender and somewhat muscular. So far I've packed on a few kilos of muscle, my old T shirts have become too tight (I can no longer wear M), and my pants too loose (went down one to two sizes). I now weigh 80 kilos at 1.90m. About a year ago I was at 72 kilos. The difference is fully obvious. People I infrequently meet ask me whether I work out, and more women look at me (not that I've been invisible before). My chest has gotten bigger, my shoulders wider, my waist slimmer, so that I've gone from a narrow V-shape to a somewhat wider V-shape. You make the claim that your muscles would be invisible. I call bullshit.

      The bigger problem with you, though, is that you've got the mindset of a fucking loser. You construct your entire world view based on a flawed premise. Yes, of course there are bald guys in life who don't get chicks, but that's not just because they are bald. In your case, you could have saved 4500 Euros by just working out and shaving your head. Seriously, it's depressing just reading your drivel because every fucking line you write reeks of insecurity.

    2. Shave your head in a horseshoe fashion, then put make up on the top to make sure you mask your remaining hair, and then go live your life. Tell me how easy it is. Of course you'll never do that.

      Your claims have no legitimacy. You don't want to see reality here because you're not bald, you have a full head of hair and it would be hard for you to realize that yes, you're privileged by your full head of hair.

      In the end, you're just as all the PUA/manosphere bloggers you're pretending to fight. The same delusion, the same shaming tactics, the same "just bet big bro, chicks love it!"... The same weak ego as Roosh V. Because I know you won't validate this comment.

      It's funny how you don't even have the self-awareness to see the irony.

    3. If I were to advise a guy with a horse shoe pattern, I'd tell him to shave it off, work out, and make an extra effort to look presentable (clothes, hygiene). Of course, if you celebrate your shortcomings, you will only shoot yourself in the foot, but the main point I'm making is that if your life sucks in some regards you'll have to compensate for it in others, if you want to get laid. It's really as simple as that.

    4. And you would be wrong to advise that. The truth is, there isn't one solution for everyone. How can you not see that when you've been fighting the "one size fits all" advices from PUA's.

      Some men can be happy with a shaved head. For others it's not an option. They would be very miserable and lying to themselves pretending they're OK with it.

      Did you know that 40% of all hair loss sufferers are women? You don't see it often because they're forced to hide under wigs and make-up. Would you also give that advice to these poor women? "Just shave it off and get big girl! Guys love it!"

    5. You better read my books, or more on my blog before accusing me of promoting a one-size fits all approach.

      Some men have deeply-rooted psychological issues, like our Mr. Balding. It's as simple as that. His problems are largely due to his own making.

      Lastly, the situation with women is much different. As you may be aware, men tremendously value looks in women. On the other hand, men are judged a bit differently, particularly for long-term relationships. Bald + big bucks = lots of pussy, for instance.

    6. Again, you don't see the irony in your replies. You say you don't promote a one-size fits all approach, yet you advise ALL bald men to just shave their heads, hit the gym and become rich.

      How can you even suggest that I did this to myself. I started going bald in highschool, at 17 years old, can you even imagine the trauma. Yes I got ridiculed for it, asked if I had cancer, if I was a skinhead and girls laughed at my face for having no hair. All these negative reactions from women and society, it was all my fault right? I made myself go bald? You have no compassion.

      In your last paragraph, you're again promoting the same discourse as other generic PUA's. Looks don't matter, make big bucks and women will go wet for you and magically forget that you're ugly.

      You're like the other bloggers in this industry and you're in fact part of it. You have no integrity, you have something to sell. What you say is not based on reality and basic common sense. Maybe you're not even aware of it and you actually believe what you say. I just hope for you that you'll wake up someday and see reality as it is.

    7. Read the article again. Yes, looks do matter. They matter a great deal indeed. However, the amount of hair you have is not the only determinant for how good-looking you are.

      You've got psychological problems. It's that simple. Of course, act like a loser and people will treat you like a loser. What else do you expect?

    8. And now the ad hominems when you can't think of an argument of course. Another trademark of PUA and manosphere bloggers, but also feminists, another group you pretend to fight. Yet you're just like them. What's next? You will tell me that I must have a small penis and that I probably don't get laid? Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just not a loser. And people don't treat me like a loser. Far from it. You want to believe that because you don't want to accept the truth. It's easier for you this way.

      You're telling us that your hair, the first thing that everyone can notice about you doesn't matter in your attractiveness? You need a reality-check. Hair can absolutely kill all your chances on the dating market. Just as being very short or very ugly. No woman has "bald" on her shopping list.

    9. Stating that you've got psychological problems is not an ad hominem, but a fact. Being bald is much less of an issue, than being short or being ugly.

    10. Further, please read the two comments below that were left by Ideas.

    11. Being ugly or short in your 20's is still seen as normal. Being bald isn't. It's not even about looking good, it's about looking normal. And if you don't tick the "normal" box anymore, how do you expect to do good with women.

      You're right, I do have psychological problems. Baldness at such a young age and the reactions I've got from society did this to me. I'm not ashamed of it and any sane man who isn't completely delusional would have had the same reaction.

      But how would I know? 10% of men only START to go bald in their 20's. Being completely bald at the age of 23, that's something extremely rare. You can't possibly say being bald in your early 20's doesn't screw up your chances with the vast majority of women in their late teens and 20's. If you say otherwise, you're just lying.

    12. I'd like to elaborate a bit more on the looks topic.

      Foremost, the idea that looks is the most important thing to get laid is a distortion of an idea originally developed against the pick-up community. As a matter of fact, the PUA community advocated that no matter what you look, you could get any girl you want if you use (and buy) their books and coaching. It was an insane idea : girls have their look preferences. Moreover, this "look does not matter idea" has a strong side-effect : it implies that by being poorly dressed, with a bad haircut and a strong body smell (the type of smell due to a lack of hygiene), you could get any girl you want. So why bother with basic looks and hygiene ?
      To counter this toxic idea, the "looks does matter" idea developed. But the sentence has been modified to "looks is everything that matters", essentially as a way to eliminate self-responsibility when you are not getting girls : "Looks is 100% responsible, my personality is perfect and does not have to be modified".

      Extreme looks issues does matter. But, as long as you are not too far from the average, you will be fine. Moreover, the most important thing about looks is to do the best with what you have : be clean and well dressed.

      The musculature topic is another one, but closely related to the look's topic. A theory is that women prefer muscular guys because they feel protected. I don't know if it is true or false, but I have a question for you : if you were married and wanted to be protected by your husband, would you prefer :
      - A beautiful tall muscular guy
      - The guy who invented firearms ?

      So why is the "looks is the only thing that matters" still prevalent today ? For two reasons.
      The first reason is that the people who cannot get laid are sometimes so dumb that they don't have anything better than their looks to offer (and they can thing to something else to offer, too). Anyone can gain muscles by lifting dumbbells. Only a minority of people can start a company or have a high-wage job.
      Secondly, the cosmetic industry has to expand his market to continue to grow, and men are the ideal target for that. Have a look to the evolution of the male looks in the James Bond movie, for example. Sean Connery or Roger Moore were way less riped than Daniel Craig. Besides that, body hair on a man is not really appreciated today (look at the hair free chest of Daniel Craig), but Sean Connery got artificial hair on his chest. It was a different era...

      The beauty criteria for men have quite evolved during the last 50 years, but those for women have remained almost identical for centuries. The only deduction possible is that man beauty criteria are not hard-coded in women brains. But do they exist at all ? Not sure.

      One last thing : when you ask guys who have huge success with women, they told you that it is due to their personality. When you ask guys who cannot get laid, they told you that it is because they look bad. Guess who we should listen to ?

      I have a friend who is 5'5" tall. He gets laid more than everyone I know. He is not especially good looking nor very rich. But he has balls. Huge balls.
      One day, I asked him if he had already fucked girls taller than him. He answered me "of course", with a tone than means : "How can you be so dumb to ask a question so stupid?". I think that this fact talks for itself.

    13. There is a small mistake in my last comment : " (and they ***can't think*** to something else to offer, too) "

    14. Aaron, did you gain your muslce-mass during the past year purely by means of bodyweighttraining or with traditional weighttraining or due to a combination of both?

  2. I have seen that particular OkCupid finding referenced all over the man-O-sphincter. However, I do not think it means what people think it means. The old OkCupid interface allowed people to rate other people as 1 to 5 stars. I think this is how the OkCupid study determined the attractiveness ratings. However, every time someone rated someone else 4 or 5 stars (but not lower than that) the system would send a message to the person who was rated 4 or 5 stars, to let that person know someone found him/her interesting. As we all know, women are reluctant to be the first person to show interest to a man. Hence women were always reluctant to vote 4 or 5 stars on a guys profile. I believe this is the real reason why the OkCupid study makes it appear as though the male attractiveness distribution is so skewed to the 1 to 3 range.

    1. I was unaware of that. Thanks for pointing this out. This may indeed explain the discrepancy in ratings. Still, there is nonetheless the fact that women tend to wait for Mr. Right, who would be a guy that is well out of their league. On the other hand, guys tend to be a bit more realistic, and sometimes they even dramatically undervalue what they bring to the table. Those two phenomena go hand in hand, though.

    2. The problem with women and their often pathological narcissm and solipsism sadly (or amusingly) doesn't disappear after they hit menopause. Even ugly single 50yo walruses advertize on online dating platforms in she strong hope of finding their George Clooney-hunk and they get increasingly bitter, when the only men "interested" in them are scammers whith the strong intention of ripping them off financially. That a Clooney-type of guy just isn't interested in Susan Dimples all just (unless he got a lobotomy of course) never really enters their frame of mind...and if it actually does, they do everything to shut it out.

      Also, some older 40+ women start to panick cuz they can feel how their "options" have dwindled. So they get divorced from their often well-meaning, loyal husbands, getting caught up in the illusion, that once they'd be freed from the "prison" of their marriage they could "start all over again" and fancy themselves as hot 20yo pussies (which they probably never were even at age 20). Again they're in for quite some harsh disappointments. It's actually sad if it weren't so absurdly comical.

      I'd say it's natural for women to feel "superior" towards men — purely due to the inflated, arbitrary value they do place on their femininity. If you challenge them and ask them for concrete, tangible proof for this superiority and for supposed male inferiority they are really having a hard time — if they can argue logically for more than two sentences at all.
      Again, that's quite sad. But if the chick is hot, I find that cute. ;)

  3. I have been reading Aaron's blog for years, but time has come for me to start posting on it. :-)

    I'm a 23 years old guy, severely balding. At first, I was quite disgusted when I realized it, because I was still a virgin at that time.
    First, I used a comb-over, not really efficient. I finally decided to get a buzz cut (~6mm), and it does the job perfectly.

    Today, I get laid on a quite regular basis. My look does not do the job (I am not muscular at all, and quite short). Of course, I have to put some work in it (ie actually pick up the girl, talk with her, etc.).

    Do I fuck every girl that I would like to ? Of course, not ! Do I please to less girls than the average guy ? Perhaps. But at the end, he fucks less girls than me (or the same number), but the only difference is that he puts less effort in it than me.

    Life is not fair, you have to accept that fact. If you are not a pure beauty, you have to bring something else on the table (money, intelligence, etc.). At the end, who cares if you fuck 1/10th of the girls, or 1/20th ?

    I agree with Aaron on the fact that you should try to have a better outlook on life. Looks does a part of the job in getting girls, but (happily) it is not the only thing that matters. If it was, all guys would be investing the same money in cosmetic than women, and we obviously know that it is not the case.

    Another really important thing is that you have to find your niche : some girls are more interested by beauty, others by muscles, others by intelligence, etc.
    Some girls find me absolutely ugly because I'm losing hairs, but these girls are often unable to do a very simple calculation. Personally, I don't care about what morons think.

  4. Furthermore, the bald guys forums, that I read a bit some years ago, are filled with a lot of depressed people. If you want a good forum of bald people, without crippling self-esteem issues, go to Sly Bald Guys.

    These forums (hair loss talk, for example) have the same issues than the pick-up community : it is not by putting 20 losers in the same room, thinking together about a problem, that you will get a solution to this problem.
    A more interesting thing to do is to ask yourself this series of questions :
    1) Are there other people in the world with the same issue than me ?
    2) If yes, do these people success to do something that I cannot do ?
    3) If yes, in what ways do these people differ from me ?

    By focusing on the answers of the third question, you will be much closer to the actual solution to your problem.

    Psychologically healthy balding people focuses on something else than their hair. They do things actually useful (or at least more useful than thinking about their hair), and that's what makes them attractive to women. At the end, it is just a question of self-love, self-confidence and self-acceptance.

    When you are confident andare accepting yourself, you don't care about what others think. You don't care about the proportion of women who likes you, as long as your basic sexual urges are satisfied.

  5. @Ideas: "I have been reading Aaron's blog for years, but time has come for me to start posting on it. :-)"

    It's about time, man! Those two comments are pure gold!
    Especially these few lines:

    "A more interesting thing to do is to ask yourself this series of questions :
    1) Are there other people in the world with the same issue than me ?
    2) If yes, do these people success to do something that I cannot do ?
    3) If yes, in what ways do these people differ from me ?

    By focusing on the answers of the third question, you will be much closer to the actual solution to your problem."

    Bam! Straight forward!

    @Aaron: "Of course, if you celebrate your shortcomings, you will only shoot yourself in the foot, but the main point I'm making is that if your life sucks in some regards you'll have to compensate for it in others, if you want to get laid."

    I'm guilty of this, too, which might be the main reason, I agreed with "Mr. Balding" at first (which I propbably should'nt have done).
    The good ol saying about the lemonade comes to mind. Cause some people -like myself I have to shamfully admit- instead of making lemonade with the lemons live gave them, masochisticly ram their theeth into the lemons and with a perverted pleasure suck them dry one after the other.

    3:26 - 7:00

    (The actor, Jon Cryer, by the way also went bald. Just google his name and look for pictures of him. He definetly is one example of someone who is better of as a bald person, at least as far as I'm concerned.)

    In case you read this, "Mr. Balding", your above statement "And you will still be bald, bald and clothed, your muscles and money not being obvious or even visible at all. Your bald head on the other hand will be. And that's what women will care about." raised a red flag with me. (Aaron already adressed these points above and I have nothing to add to his answers.)

    On a side note: the effects of working out (mind you I'm not talking about getting buff) on my health, my energy levle and my psyche are so huge and positive, that I propably even would still work out if it was scientifically proven, that it actually harmed your chances to hook up with girls (don't ask me how this would work, just a thought experiment ;)

    I highly recomend EVERY man should do himself the favor and work out at least to some degree.
    This might get you started:

    I would not refer to you as a loser or a pussy or what have you and please don't get me wrong, I am by no means mad at you. I however feel sorry for you, because I get the impretion that you are nonetheless a smart and ambitious young man, that is suffering way more than he has to.

    Listen to Aaron and to Ideas , they've made important points and I don't think they are acting predatory against you or anything like that at all. They're dealing out valubale advice (for free) and really are trying to help you.

    Once again: Wish you all the best!


  6. FredTheBelgian, the anonymous balding guy, has answered to one of my post on the topic linked in Sleazy's main article :

    Here come my remarks :

    "You see guys? That girl that found you repulsive because you were bald, she will change her mind when she realizes that you love yourself!"

    You didn't understand what I wrote, or it was not written clearly enough.
    A girl that finds me repulsive because I'm balding will not change her mind because I love myself. But I do not care about what she thinks, because I love myself and I do not need love from someone else.
    Moreover, I found regurlaly that some gils are repulsive. Girls also have the right to find me repulsive, they can think what they want of me, and that is perfectly fine.

    To conclude : you have the right to dislike some women. Women have the right to dislike you.

    "Also, humans are not social animals anymore. Apparently you can "not care" about what others think of you. That was a nice fairy tale."

    True and false.
    If nobody likes you, life will of course be very difficult. But this is never the case. The most common case is that 10% of people like you, 80% does not like you nor dislike you, and 10% dislike you. You try to be loved by changing who you are, but this is a dead end because you will come as artificial and unnatural, and people can feel this.
    The best thing is to live according to your values. You won't be liked by everyone, but the amount of people who like you will be high enough for you to have enough friends and acquaintances.

    A last thing : FredTheBelgian has posted 3 703 times on hairlosstalk, which likely took him a lot of time. I think that he could have used this time in more useful ways.

  7. I feel the need to answer to other parts of his post :

    "He doesn't see how balding can affect your academic or professional success? So major depression and anxiety don't affect a person's ability to study, concentrate and function?"

    You are right, but not in the way you think you are. It is not balding that affects your academic or professional success, but depression and anxiety.

    "I would have saved that money for what? Nice clothes and a gym membership?"

    No, to go to a psychologist and cure your inferiority complex.

    "Of course if it happened to them, they would be singing a whole different tune."

    As I already said, I am severely balding and 23 years old.

    "In the end, I'm thankful that baldness has been so helpful to me to identify good people."

    I agree with you on that point : becoming bald pushes away shallow people from you.

    "While the guy with a full head of hair just has to take 2 minutes to put a jeans and a white t-shirt and get laid."

    I know a lot of guys with a full head of hair that do not get laid at all.
    I know a guy in his fifties that is completely bald (hair shaved) and has fucked over 1000 women in his life.

    I think that the biggest issue of our balding anonymous (FredTheBelgian on hairlosstalk) is that he lacks a true personality. When I read his posts, I see nothing about him apart that he is bald. He seems to define himself only by one word : bald. It seems that he has no hobbies, and is not anything else of his life than posting on a forum about hair loss, even after having had a hair transplant.

    Do any of the guys on hairlosstalk have a scientific background, and the ability to think rationally and to observe what is actually happening around them ?

    1. he makes a common mistake, focus on one thing and ignore the rest,
      while some of those rest individually can be higher in importance and
      they add up together much more important then this one thing,
      i see this shit all the time.
      of couse we live in a world where a lot of shit matters, so fixating on one will
      bring you nowhere, if not harm you.

      if you ask me whats the most important thing with women, i would say detecting/spotting women that react very well to you,
      the next thing is making moves. the first one involves some moves as well
      but for a bit of a different purpose.

      without those there wont be any fucking and without the first and with the second
      you will be accused of rape quickly.

      this is what we call ballz.

      then would say looks.(height, dick, muscle,face,low fat,clothes,being clean)

      then money.

      then common interest with women

      and of course you should have access to a large enough chunk of women
      in a given space and a place to fuck. without this. then. forget about it.

  8. A last fact to prove that this whole debate is completely fucked. Have a look at that topic, by FredTheBelgian, our balding anonymous commenter :

    The first post is the more interesting one :

    "So I created 4 profiles on a dating website called 2 profiles with pictures of myself with hair and 2 profiles where I'm shaved completely bald. Girls have to vote your profile during 48 hours and if you're found attrative enough, you are granted access to the website.

    Results of the experiment: The highest scores I've obtain were with the pictures of myself appearing bald, on the picture ranked third, I had my hair grown out a little, maybe 1 cm, and finally the picture of me at 19 with normal grown out hair showing no sign of hair loss had the lowest score. So, the longer my hair, the lower the votes .

    Finally 3 profiles out of 4 have been accepted, the profile refused being the one with a picture of me showing no hair loss and the other one with hair barely passed, one or two negative votes and it was out too.

    I'm confused, I was expecting the opposite."

    This definitely proves that you lack the ability to think rationally.

    1. Ideas, this post with the dating website experiment if from 2012. I used that as a coping mechanism. I still had a visible hair line on the pictures so it didn't matter.

      Don't you understand that people evolve? My views have evolved. Maybe yours get stuck and you can never admit you were wrong.

      Also, you needed to dig far into my past to find that post. Are you obsessed with me? Something tells me you can't wrap your head about the truths I've been telling, and you're struggling a lot to find a way to dismiss what I said.

      As I've said before, you'll when you become bald yourself. All of you calling me a loser under the safety of your normal-looking head of hair will know then.

      I'm still waiting for one of you to shave your head in a grandpa horseshoe pattern and then report on how good you're doing in your dating life.

  9. You really think we're all morons for caring about our baldness? That's what you imply here?

    Well I just got my master's degree and a lot of people on Hairlosstalk are actually highly educated, some of them are even health professionals.

    Hairlosstalk actually saved my life. Thanks to it, I discovered that writing was liberating and helped me gain perspective on my problem and on the world around me.

    May I remind you that I was completely slick bald by the age of 23. Almost no young man goes through that nightmare. And the few I've seen ended up taking down all their pictures on Facebook and living like recluses.

    Posting on a support group is the best therapy according to me, especially when you have a problem that cannot really be solved.

    Breaking up, losing your job, becoming broke, being homeless. All these problems are external and end eventually. You can start over. Not with something like hair loss. You lose a part of oneself, of your identity. You're not you anymore, just another generic bald guy.

    Also, you say you are "severely balding". So your opinion on this doesn't count. As long as people don't perceive you as bald, they will treat you like one of them. It all changes when you actually become slick bald, grandpa horseshoe bald. You'll see for yourself when you get there.

    Also, cut the "I know a bald guy that's getting laid like crazy!" You have no evidence on that. You're just going to take his word for it? This kind of argument is useless.

  10. Not one of you privileged fullheads will ever shave your head down to a horseshoe pattern because you KNOW hair means a lot. This is nothing more than you guys perpetuating the positional good theory. Must be nice with your social status, it'd be a shame if you delusional losers went bald.

  11. Man this bald guy is such a loser. he thinks baldness is the end of the world. I have hair but suffered a stroke and half my body was paralyzed. now my hand and foot are still paralyzed and im always tired and have spasms, and an eye deficit. Do you want to compare how good you have it? compared to me, being a healthy guy is like being a millionaire. I dont even know how im going to live independently in the future. you compare yourself with the healthy ppl because they are always outside, then you feel bad.TIP: compare yourself to the invisible sick ppl who are at home most of the time.This is survivorship bias. you are missing comparison to a whole set of ppl(the disabled) because you only see the survivors.

    1. Everyone's problems are relative. It's pretty insulting suggesting that just because you may have it worse than someone else, their problems are invalidated. Don't be that arrogant.

    2. PART 1
      Fuck, I wanted to give myself a break from the blogosphere and get more shit done in real life, but I have to reply to your comment.

      I mean, when you say: "Everyone's problems are relative." you are of course -technically sppeaking- right.

      But still, are you really this ignorant? (You are the arrogant one in my opinion.)
      Fred and his Co-Baldlings (are you one of them by the way?) might very well drastically increase their risk to get a stroke because of all the stress they put them selves through by clinging on to their baldness obsession.

      And the irony will be, the moment they are paralysed and/or inable to speak etc.
      they will regeret all the years the spend wallowing in their self-induced and unnecessary misery and beat them self up for fucking up their health with their shitty

      (No, I'm of cause not saying they will ALL DEFINTELY get a stroke eventually, but they are fucking with their health (both their psychy and also their physical helath) and they are flushing -propably the most vital and valubale- years of their life down the toilett.)

      Listen to what Anon wrote: "He thinks baldness is the end of the world.(...)Im always tired and have spasms, and an eye deficit(...).
      I dont even know how im going to live independently in the future(..)."

      And you accuse him of being arrogant because he can't take your baldness-thing seriously (especially after Alek pointed out that baldness is very close to being a non-issue??!!?!? I mean are YOU serious?

      Final note: I'm only* 177 cm of height. How tall are you, Thomas? And you, Fred?
      If I got an offer by a sleazy fairy (or gin etc.) along the lines of: "I will give to you 8 cm of additional body height, but you have to agree that I make you bald in return" I SURE AS HELL gladly take this offer- especially after reading Aleks and the other guys take on this whole baldness matter!
      Not only would this make me more popular with the girls, it might also increase my carrer chances quite a bit (I have no ambitions in this regard, but still).

      Mind you, there are studies, that show a strong correlation between body height and salary and rank, and while I think you get to see a lot of bald mofos on the higher sproughts of the carrer later, small(er) men are underepresented there.

      *I'm of course far from beeing a dwarf, but in Germany (at least among my generation) 177 cm is rather small and shrinks the pool of females willing to hook up with me noticeable. I think the avarage german male (born in the 80s) is something like 1,83 cm, if I remeber correctly. (Don't even wanna no, what the acctual average hight of the 20 year olds is.)
      But still, no use in complaining, all is not lost, things could be far worse, I can comepensate for this, and generally there is no need to create yet another twitter crybaby SJW # bullshit because of it. (Alos I feel the temptation to do it for the lolz ;)

    3. PART 2

      "The key to dealing with height is to simply accept it as it is. You can't change it, so don't spend mental energy on it."
      ( ; LOL just look at Derek's comment.) You can easily exchange 'height' for 'baldness' here.
      (In fact, in case of baldness you actually might have a chance to do something about it -like Fred did for example-, but it probably will not be worth the costs/efforts.)

      And with this comment I'm outta here for the rest of the year in order to get shit done in real life, because I noticed some obsessive tendencies within myself (similar to those of the baldlings).

      I read Aaron's blog, his books the many valubale comments here and elsewhere and I should by now know everything I need to know and finally apply the knowledge insead of pore on and on and on over the same old stuff, that was explained too me n-th times here and elsewhere.

      May Zeuses lighting bolt struck me, if I open this or similar blogs/websites ever again in the year of 2015.

      So, everyone, thanks for everything! Enjoy the rest of the summer and the rest of 2015!

      Merry Christmas and happy new year!

      Bye, Bye! Take care!


    4. His problems are objectively much smaller than he thinks, based on an honest comparison. He cant claim the most pity, subsequently and not have ppl like me disagree with him. the arrogance is not on my part, but his, because he does not realize the survivorship bias. just being in his 20s and healthy even being bald hes probably already above average if you include the one who didnt make it, like me.

      I hate it when rich ppl complain about taxes, you call ppl who hate it arrogant?

    5. Oh I get it now! Bald men don't deserve respect, not only because you are somehow the one to say where the line is drawn of what's an acceptable health problem (physical or psychological) but also because society in general has no respect for baldness.

      Nope, nothing arrogant about that at all.

    6. "I'm of course far from beeing a dwarf, but in Germany (at least among my generation) 177 cm is rather small and shrinks the pool of females willing to hook up with me noticeable. I think the avarage german male (born in the 80s) is something like 1,83 cm, if I remeber correctly. (Don't even wanna no, what the acctual average hight of the 20 year olds is.)"

      I think you mean the average Dutch male, not German male. Here is an interesting chart.

  12. I find this whole discussion ironic, because I primarily lose girls to bald guys, lol.

    Seriously, 90% of the time a girl gets snatched away from me, it's from a bald/balding guy. To me, these guys commenting here represent a really good reminder on limiting beliefs. And about 90% of the most killer "naturals" I know are bald/balding...

    1. Even Alek Novy, poster that I enjoy reading a lot, is advancing the "I know a (bald) guy that gets mad pussy!" argument now. That's probably a sign of the end of the world.

      Let me guess, those guys had an attractive face, probably a chiseled jaw and are often tall. I would bet my life that those guys were not looking like George Costanza.

      You don't know if these guys are getting laid. Weren't you the guy who was always saying we should be wary of false positives?

    2. "You don't know if these guys are getting laid."

      I'm not talking about bald strangers in a club, and looking at a random guy and assuming he's banging the girls he's standing with. When in reality he might just be their friend.

      I'm talking about a very large niche/community where people don't hide they're fucking (its like a huge social circle).

      As in the girls who fuck these guys don't hide the fact they're fucking them. They grind right in front of everyone for the 2-3 weeks they're "dating", grinding and tonguing each other in front everyone with heavy petting etc...

      its open knowledge that they're "dating" etc etc... The girls are my acquintances who after being dumped (2-3 weeks later) whine about being dumped. The initial hookup happens right in front of everyone etc etc...

      Let me guess, those guys had an attractive face, probably a chiseled jaw and are often tall. I would bet my life that those guys were not looking like George Costanza.

      Well the top three are as follows...

      - The best one I know is average height, average face and average build... keeps his hair super-short to distract from the fact that he's balding

      - One is tall and thin (average faced)

      - Another DOES have a movie-star like jaw, and is taller than average (5cm taller than average)... he'd be third on my list

      *- P.S MOST guys who get above average results are tall anyway. So what's your point? The reason its funny to me is that I haven't seen it make a huge difference from being an impartial observer. So what if most of the bald guys that get amazing results are tall? So are most of the non-bald guys who get laid a lot.

    3. Well, if you look like George Costanza, you are not going to get laid even with a full head of hair. LOL

    4. Well, if you look like George Costanza, you are not going to get laid even with a full head of hair. LOL

      Exactly lol. It's a false dichotomy.

      *- P.S MOST guys who get above average results are tall anyway. So what's your point? The reason its funny to me is that I haven't seen it make a huge difference from being an impartial observer. So what if most of the bald guys that get amazing results are tall? So are most of the non-bald guys who get laid a lot.

      Put another way, most of the guys who get laid a lot are

      - tall
      - well-connected and or high-status
      - skinny or fit (at least not fat)
      (now some happen to be balding, some are not)

      From my observation there are as many balding guys in the "get laid a lot camp" as there are in the general population. In other words they don't seem to be under-represented.

      But tall guys? OVER-REPRESENTED as heck. Short guys? Under-represented as heck (compared to general population).

    5. What is tall ? 180 cm ? 185 cm ? 190 cm ?

  13. @FredtheBelgian

    I know perfectly what you are passing through. I had the same thoughts years ago, but I changed my view by taking a look around.

    Is a bald guy less seducing than a guy with a full head of hair ? Perhaps. But if it's true, this is only true ceteris paribus (all other things being equal), and as you know, they aren't two identical humans on this planet, so this type of comparison is impossible to do.

    What we are trying to explain to you is that there are multiple ways to please a woman : looks (of course), charisma, intelligence, money, etc.

    If you lack some areas (looks, for example), you can compensate in other areas. But if you are sure that you won't please women (which was my case years ago), you won't try, and if you have very obvious signals, you won't make a move, too (this happened to me).

    I am not pretending that baldness has no impact on your success with women. I don't know (I don't have statistics, as my first lay was when I was already with a buzz cut, so I cannot compare), and I don't care, as long as some women are interested by me. If only 1% of women are interested by me, instead of 10% if I weren't balding, I don't really care.

    I may have to approach more women to get laid, but at the same time I need less time to study. Life is not fair, you have to accept that fact. With my height, I will never be able to play in a basketball team : I accept that, and I use the assets that life gave to me.

    Thinking with "if..." ("If I was taller / smarter / not bald / ...") serves absolutely no purpose. You should focus on your strong points and make them even better.

    I know that changing a limiting belief takes a long time. But you should really have a rational look at the world around you, and see what really happens, and not what you want to believe.
    By focusing on your baldness, you are not fixing your real, deeper issues.

  14. What the hell? It rains in belgium 80% of the time? Must be some magical wonder land.

    As a dutchman, I know the dutch love to complain, and the belgiums even make fun of us for that. But 80%? That is just a bit much.

    But even that, I see a lot of strawmanning, and some sort of reading in bad faith. More money in the back will indeed not let you get more girls. Doing something with it will. Buy some better clothes, get a better haircut (joke ;) ), go to an interesting vacation. Aka, be more interesting.

    I know quite a few guys who had hair and are thinning and they shaved it off and they still get quite a lot of girls. They are also interesting, and don't let their hair bother them. They certainly would not post a lot on a hairloss forum.

  15. Wow, don't poke the bald guys....The idea seems to be if you are bald, it is game over, and suicide or hair transplant are your only options. Hair loss is a disadvantage, but there are a whole lot of other aspects in determining your market value to the opposite sex and that should not an earth shattering revelation.

    1. I thought the manosphere was filled with hate. Seems the baldosphere is worse. And using 'fullhead' as a slur. Hilarious.

    2. Privileged FullheadJuly 31, 2015 at 10:42 PM

      PRIVILEGED fullhead. There's a difference. Learn it.

      One more thing; are you willing to shave your head down to a horseshoe pattern? If not, please explain why.

    3. Anon'Hilarious' here.

      Learn it? How about no. The whole subculture part of the baldness forum seems toxic enough. Not going to spend time learning about it.

      And I don't care about shaving my head in horseshoe patterns, nor having to justify it.

    4. Typical privileged fullhead reply: "Stop whining about being bald you crybaby! Baldness is nothing and you're making things up. What? Seeing what it's like for myself?! Giving up my fullhead privilege for 3 weeks?! Hell no!"

      It seems that again, no one cares about bald men. Everyone ridicules them and make them understand they're losers. Then when they object, all you get is "yeah no one cares baldie, just take it and shut up!"

      I hope none of you fullheads never go bald. Or in fact I hope you do, you'll get a taste of your own medicine and understand what it's like to live your life as a sub-version of yourselves.

    5. Privileged FullheadAugust 4, 2015 at 7:21 AM

      Don't care about shaving your head in horseshoe pattern because you're deliberately delusional about the whole matter. You KNOW your fullhead privilege is real. You'd just be seen as another bald loser if you pulled it off.

      Nice copout.

    6. Ow god, you guys are hilarious.

      Come on, I said I didn't want to debate. Just found the slur 'fullhead' silly.

      (Ow and 'privileged fullhead' Is just as silly).

      And moving the goalpost here, and trying to engage me in a debate, hilarious. Insulting me when I do not play along. Even better, keep proving my initial remarks about the bitterness of the baldosphere. (You could be trolls of course).

      Nobody cares about most men. Esp not society at large. Your friends should care about you, as should your family. Expecting more is just being entitled.

      People don't go around "picking up a girl with a horseshoe pattern - Challenge Accepted".

    7. I thought being bald was no big deal? Plus it will grow back fast for you.

      You don't want to do it because you know we're right. You think you're such a smooth player, but take away your hair, and your success with women would go down to zero.

      But yeah, it's hard to acknowledge you are privilege, you need bald men to exist so you know you are superior to them.

    8. You just don't stop do you? Keep proving my original point. That you are quite the toxic person. (You/baldosphere, I'm generalizing here).

      My remark was that 'privileged fullhead' is silly. You make this into some sort of shave your head/pickup debate/contest.

      And you project a shitload of qualities onto me without even knowing me. I never said I had hair, was good with women etc. And I love my hair, the feeling of it on my neck reminds me I'm a man.

      I need bald men to feel superior? Ow god... lol. Is that really what you think? ... that is pretty sad. Seriously, that kinda shows you have a huge inferiority complex and are projecting it upon others. I know it is done a lot on the internet, and it never has any effect. But you might want to get some professional help for that. Like I said before, society doesn't really care about most men. The amount of hair doesn't matter. You projecting societies indifference unto one issue. (In general society does not care about men, or older women).

      And talking about privilege and me having to acknowledge it. Sure you are Belgian? You seem to have drunk deeply from the poisoned waters of Americanized feminism. If you want to be taken seriously (here), don't focus to much on privilege. As a white man, from Europe you will lose the 'who has less privilege' game. And it is so stupid.

      But as you seem to have not read anything else I said before, and keep repeating your 'shave your head, you pussy!' line. Please carry on repeating that, trying to have the discussion I said I wouldn't.

  16. So men are obliged to be as exceptional as they can possibly get – while on the other hand the standards of hotness for women are highly unfair, of course! So for women the rule should easily be: "Average is beautiful."


    Yeah right…
    Unfair double-standards, anyone? ;)

    1. Of course beauty is rare (repeated statements of Mystery to the contrary notwithstanding), which is why that small number of women is highly desired. Only a very small number of women is good looking. Similarly, only a very small number of men is economically highly successful, or intelligent, or handsome, or successful in some way. Nobody cares about the ego of the average man, albeit society constantly sends out the message that if you're a guy without a nice house, car, and an unattractive girlfriend to support, you're a loser. What's that compared to the emotional pain a woman has to endure because she can't achieve a thigh gap since all those juicy muffins are constantly calling out for her? This double standard is ludicrous. If you're a guy and only care about your looks, barely anybody will take you seriously. Yet, if you're a girl, hit the gym twice a week, don't shovel crap on your plate four times a day, and consequently end up in the top 10 % looks-wise, you're highly coveted (Esther Vilar has a fabulous quote on that.). It's almost trivial for women to be good-looking. It's just a matter of a lack of discipline. Economic success is much harder to attain, as this is closer to a zero-sum game.

  17. It seems most of us agree that disadvantages in certain areas (balding) can be outweighed by advantages in other areas (money, body). However to me the important question is: how much compensation is needed? And is it possible given finite quantities of time and intelligence?

    Nearly all disadvantages can be outweighed by improvement in other areas but this is an academic point, because it doesn't address whether it is realistic or even possible to make the necessary improvements.

    Aaron, you are 190cms. With all due respect, you don't need any other positive attributes. But exactly how jacked, loaded, and popular must our bald friend become in order to compensate?

    Can't really be answered of course but worth wondering.

    1. As much as possible.

    2. 190cms and you don't need any other positive attributes? 190 cms being socially awkward, overweight, abusive, and a brony does not mean you get much girls.

      Don't focus to much on one category.

      And 'how much compensation is needed'. As much as you feel comfortable with. Want to sleep with exceptional people, you also need to be exceptional yourself in some way. Don't think you can quantify it.

      Don't want to bother? Just get some money and sleep with prostitutes.

  18. Here's what I would say. Of course, even at 190 cms you would need other attributes, but in all fairness when you're 6'3 you don't need to be good-looking. Whether or not you look like James Dean is a non issue at that height. Nonetheless, you should not be overweight at any height. Conversely, when you're as good looking as James Dean or Alain Delon or whoever have you, whether or not you're 6'0+ becomes a non-issue. It's irrelevant whether you're 5'8 or 6'2. And a woman who's 5'9 or 5'10 will more likely be worried about whether he'd be intimidated and turned off by her because she's a few centimeters taller. Now I suppose of a guy is 5'5 or 5'6 albeit with exceptionally good looks his short stature may start to become an issue, but by how much? Instead of the solid you'd be if you were 5'10, maybe you're a 7.5 or an 8? I don't know. Naturally, it depends on the girl you want to attract. Some care about height. Others want a good-looking guy as long as he's taller than she is.

    As for dating women out of one's league, what qualifies as out of one's league? An 8 male dating a 9 female I don't think counts. Maybe she's marginally better-looking, but he makes her laugh and is phenomenal in the sack. And an attractive 5'8 female isn't automatically out of a 5'7 guy's league only because she's one inch taller, although she could be out of his league if there's a myriad of reasons that would be the case. For example, Olga Kurylenko is more certainly "out of Jonah Hill's league", but I wouldn't necessarily consider her to be "out of James McAvoy's league" just to give an example.

  19. I didn't have time to read all of this, but I do want to tell a personal story that could maybe be an eyeopener to some of you. I once shaved my head (thought i might look alright and would save a lot of time, no washing and grooming etc). Some people (also new ones that I met) actually did make fun of me for it. It never made me nervous obvioulsy because I knew that I could grow back hair anytime I wanted to.. I think all in all, it made very little difference. That's why I still have my hair very short.

    People have always made fun of me because of weight.When I was younger 18 till 23 it sometimes bothered me, but now that I am 34 and a lot heavier (at least 30 pounds) than I was then, it really doesn't bother me that much. Of course I like to be better looking, but I know that when I feel great I can do more than alright with girls and when I don't feel good I never get any pussy. I can be a funny, charismatic and smart guy. Having said that, I still get hard when I woman I like says sometimes positive about my appearence instead of complimenting my intelligence or being funny (those are pretty normal for me). In that way I am the opposite of good looking girls that want to be complimented about their personality. The girls and I both want to be complimented on the area where the need for reassurence is the highest..

    CONCLUSION: Of course looks are important and you would be wise to not get so overweight as I am. At the same time, the indirect effect of looks on your attractiveness through confidence is way, way, way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more important than the direct effect...

    PS: The human mind is always automatically busy with improving attractiveness for the other sex, because that kind of selfdoubt is an evolutionary driver of self improvement and therefore reproductive succes. And every man should realise this and don't allow this self doubt to get to a point where he shows to much insecurity and therefore fucks up his chances with the other sex instead of improving them.

  20. Let me weigh in as a fellow bald guy, age 56. Anyone that thinks being short or bald doesn't matter is kidding themselves. I have read studies that only 10% of women, in general, are attracted to bald guys.
    Aaron's recommendations are basically sound, IMO, though since he is not a bald man he may not realize that things like size of one's head and head shape matter a great deal in whether a man can pull off a shaved-head look.e. Almost anyone can build muscle and make their body look fitter. I have asked a lot of women and 99% will not date a man with a big gut.

    Grooming is also important as is personality, which goes hand-in-hand with confidence. Here is a site created by and for bald men with many great grooming tips.

    I also suggest not using any dating sites or hook-up apps that require a pic .Baldness is definitely NOT a deal-breaker with all women. A lack of confidence IS!

    Getting back to baldness, I am of average looks at best. If one is good-looking and bald, this will just about compensate for being bald with a lot of women, or it used to. I think using social media like Facebook other than for the usual fatuous stuff people use it for is a poor venue for a bald guy to troll.

    You basically have to reach a point where you don't give a fuck about being bald and it becomes a non-issue and fuck anyone who makes it an issue. I think reaching this point, if you are not this way by nature, is about as hard as achieving the so-called Buddhist enlightenment. It will take a lot of approaches and shut downs till you reach a point where being bald simply doesn't matter. The late American therapist Albert Ellis used to have his patients do shaming exercises. He practiced in New York and, e.g., if he had a patient ashamed of his height he would have them wear a sign saying something like, 'I'm short and no one wants to date me." You can imagine in New York City that a person wearing a sign like that would take a lot of shit and most of this work was done back in the days when Manhattan was a scary place in many areas and New York was not so sanitized as it became when Giuliani moved the homeless and perverts to parts unknown. Thing was, this shaming worked after a time because the people wearing the signs admitting their worst fears reached a hardened point of not giving a fuck what others thought.

    If you have the resources, I would recommend starting your confidence building with a trip to a country like Thailand or Philippines where there will be many women who don't give a flying fuck if you are bald and your status as a "rich" European man will get have many women pursuing you. This is not bullshit. I am now bald, old and ugly and when I go to places like Philippines I routinely have young women approaching me and telling me I am "gwapo" (Tagalog for handsome and also Spanish if you replace the "w" with a "u"). A man twenty-plus years younger than I am will hear this much more frequently in such a country.

    Then, after fucking yourself half to death, I would return to Europe and begin making yourself look as good as you can and developing your personality while concomitantly approaching women and facing shame and rejection until you reach a point of not giving a fuck. Painful shit in life strengthens a man and you should do things that come from your soul and not march in lockstep to all these PUA's who advocate no fapping, cold showers, paleo diet and a ton of other bullshit. What I am telling you to do will be hard as fuck but it is probably better than doing nothing and reaching my age with even more regret than a "successful" human should feel.

    Women and humans of every stripe can sense insecurity in a millisecond. Baldness at a young age will most likely cause insecurity and self-doubt. Reaching the point of not giving a fuck will be a long road but could even be made fun after a few thousand rejections.


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