She is not the only girl who would want you, but run if she is

Men who lack success with women often hold questionable beliefs, as a direct consequence of their lack of experience. One example is the following comment, left on my post Let’s talk about Emotions:

Too bad there's a real possibility you dump that first girlfriend and never meet anyone again.

Scared because you’re pushing 30?

Earlier today someone left a comment on my forum, saying that due to some personal problems he hasn’t gotten laid in years, and now that is 30 already, he is afraid that he has missed the boat. To corroborate his statement, he remarked that he had 22-year old girls in clubs tell him that he was too old. I’d like to discuss this issue in more general terms, since I’ve heard countless variations of that theme.

It is certainly the case that age will affect your chances on the dating market. However, guys in their late 20s or early 30s are a good decade away from needing to worry whether they can still score chicks. But let’s dwell on that girl’s remark, and why it’s nonsense. First, it is a single opinion that may not even be grounded in reality. For instance, maybe that girl was into him, but he was awkward, so she chose to attack him instead. This is fairly common behaviour.

Let's talk about Emotions

I received a couple of rather bizarre emails and blog comments recently, in which people (probably shills) were praising the work of some "guru" who, instead of focussing on how to pull girls, was nowadays all about telling guys how to handle their "emotions". This was supposed to be the key to successful long-term relationships and marriages and of course it would pay off plenty in your professional life as well. I felt reminded of virgin gurus who promoted surefire ways of getting laid, and now that this well has run dry, the new business model is apparently "lifestyle coaching" or "life hacking". One might wonder how a guy in his mid- to late 20s who doesn't look like a ladies' man at all is going to say anything particularly insightful about long-term relationships, though.

But let's not pick on those snake oil salesmen and instead discuss how you can get a handle on your emotions. Surprisingly enough this doesn't work through reading books or thinking about hypothetical situations. Instead, it's a matter of practice. Get nervous just talking to some girl? Talk to more girls! Get clingly after you've gotten a girlfriend? Well, why might this be the case, buddy? Could it, just maybe, be a consequence of you not having had much success with girls in your life, and now you think she's the one and only, even though she's a dim-witted brat of at best average looks and a highly defective personality?

This is a serious issue, bro! There are countless examples of guys with little to no sexual experience falling for literally the first girl that was willing to take them. In the best case they ended up in an abusive relationship with skewed power dynamics, paternity fraud, and an eventual divorce. Who could have known guessed?

Microsoft Developed a Bra to Fight Obesity of Women

Sometimes you look at the output of Microsoft and you invariably ask yourself whether they are joking. Just think of the Zune, their SmartWatch or whatever it was called, or their push to abolish ownership for video games with their Xbox One console. The other day, though, I was made aware not of a product that made me pinch myself, but a research paper with the title, "Food and Mood: Just-in-Time Support for Emotional Eating."

In a nutshell, the researchers explored how to detect that someone was about to eat when it wasn't physiologically necessary, and how to keep them from doing so. The article makes for some rather amusing reading, because the researchers put sensors into a bra that would monitor the emotional state of the woman wearing it:

You just can't make that up!

An Anecdote about Absurd Female Entitlement

I travel a lot by train these days. Normally, I take a book and disappear in one of the few quiet areas. Last time, though, I felt a bit too tired to read, so I decided to watch a documentary on my laptop in one of the regular waggons. Shortly after I started the video, the middle-aged woman who was sitting behind me, started talking on , talking on the phone with her daughter or girlfriend or whatever. She was speaking loud enough so that I could easily have followed the conversation.

Instead, I focused on my screen. The big surprise came after about ten or fifteen minutes, because suddenly that woman was standing next to me and telling me that she like me to use headphones. Whoa, sister! I told her that I don't have any head phones with me, and turned my head away again. This didn't deter her, so she added that the video I was watching was disturbing her. It wasn't as if I was watching porn, or a loud action movie, or anything like that.

The whole situation seemed rather absurd, and not just because the volume of my speakers was adjusted so that I could barely hear it. I had actually been taking the other people sitting in the waggon into consideration. This is not at all common behavior. Normally you're exposed to significant noise pollution.
Okay, that woman was still standing next to me and apparently waiting for some kind of reaction. I noticed that some other woman was giving me an angry look. 

Why Relationships work, or don't work

Let's say Joe Ex-PUA listened to me and settled down with a young woman. You may now think, "Wait, how is this supposed to ever work when there will always be other younger women around? Won't he forever be tempted to jump ship?" Well, first, you'll also get older, and your focus in life will eventually shift from getting laid or, in the case of PUAs, fantasizing about getting laid, to something more constructive. Remember, you used to have hobbies in high school! Second, it's really not the case that girls are that easily interchangeable.

I certainly don't want to urge guys to settle down with some random girl, albeit precisely that seems to be what the average Joe is doing. In that case, you're pretty screwed from the get-go. Eventually she'll have a baby, possibly from another man, and she'll calculate for how long she has to remain married to you to maximize alimony payments. Sadly, Joe allowed himself to get bullied into not signing a marriage contract, since doing so would be "unromantic", according to the 32 year-old he married who was desperate to get a guy.

Attraction and Age Differences

Following up on my post Male Sex Drive from Teenage Years to the Middle Age, I'm now going to answer the the one remaining question:

What is your view about age when dating and chasing girls who are interested in you but significantly younger than you?

First, what exactly is "significantly" supposed to mean? Let's assume we're talking of girls past the threshold of the age of consent. Okay, say, she's 18. How old would a guy have to be in order to be called "significantly older"? I'd say, 25, 26 maybe. Ten years is certainly an age difference I would call significant.

Having settled that, the question then is how this would affect your sex drive. I'm tempted to say quite significantly. Youth is equated with beauty and sexual attractiveness. There are some absurd feminist campaigns that guys should marry someone "their own age", "a mature woman", or "someone who can handle you", but at the end of the day, this is all just so much hot air. Normally, you would pick a younger woman over an older one. This is fine, since girls prefer older guys, too, which explains the malaise of young guys trying to get girls.

Reader Comment on Male Sex Drive during Middle Age

I received an interesting email from a reader (thanks, K.!) regarding my last article Male Sex Drive from Teenage Years to the Middle Age, and thought I better share it with you:

Aaron, 

maybe I'm an anomaly, but I'm just about as horny as I was as a teenager, and don't need little blue pills to get horny, hard or stay hard! Maybe a little motivation for those guys heading into their 30's and 40's, as I'm 59! I attribute it to not smoking, eating healthily as in organic whenever possible, staying away from red meat and keeping in shape at 5'9" and 175 lbs with a flat stomach. Partly genetics maybe, because I have longivity in my family tree on both sides.

Male Sex Drive from Teenage Years to the Middle Age

I received an interesting question as part of a longer email the other day. The guy who wrote to me was curious about my view on how the age difference between you and your woman might influences your libido (i.e. are you better off with a younger woman), as well as how your libido changes in general throughout the years:

What is your view about age when dating and chasing girls who are interested in you but significantly younger than you? At what point people stop having sexual libido/desire or their desire decline as they age?

I'll cover the second question in this article, and the other in a follow-up.

Let me tackle the problem of declining libido in several steps. First, male sex drive declines as you get older, but I'll hypothesize that the change is largely due to lifestyle choices and constraints, and not so much due to biological factors. About teenage boys it is said that they would bang a hole in a tree just as well. This is certainly exaggerated, and just another example of the misandry of the mainstream media. Young girls are horny, too, yet no mainstream media buffoon ever wrote that they would shove anything in their vagina.

Three Billion Women, and what this means for One-Night Stands

My post on The "three billion women" argument was primarily about finding a partner. This is not the goal of everyone, but for every chest-pounding virgin on PUA forums who claims that he wants to bang more women than Genghis Khan has there are hundreds who secretly wish to just have a girlfriend. Of course, part of the problem is that some of those guys have the twisted idea that women would only have sex within relationships, while one-night stands are reserved for studs and guys which coke, but that would be a different topic altogether.

Let's say you're a reasonably well adjusted guy and you want to sow your wild oats for a while. Women don't just marry anybody, but their criteria for a one-night stand are often much lower. This is particularly true if she's got self-esteem issues and thinks that having some random dude bust a nut in her would make her feel desired and accepted. There's no shortage of such women out there.

Let's just take a different branch in the previous Fermi estimate, and continue at the point where we had whittled down the number of available women to about 5,000. Social class will still plays a role, but women are a bit less strict about that if they only want your cock instead of your wallet. So, if you're in the middle of society, then we'll be a bit generous and assume that you'll have no access to the top 10 % of society, and that you have no interest in getting involved with the bottom 20 %, for a variety of reasons. Both seems to be rather plausible percentages. So, you're down to 3,500 women, vs the previous 2,500.