Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Presence's Breakthrough

After I my Q&A session at Reddit, I was contacted by a guy called Presence who excitedly told me about his “breakthrough.” Something clicked, and where he had hit a brick wall before, he now found success with women. The collection of his emails amounted to much more than 5,000 words, but I saw some great lessons hidden in it, which is why I was happy to work on it and present it to a wider audience.

Due to my rather busy schedule it took me a long time to go through the text, and edit it, but now it's finally done. What you can read in this blog post is not the story of a guy who found some “magic pill.” Instead, it's about a guy who managed to overcome some mental obstacles. If you can't yet genuinely talk to women and put a lot of pressure on you, then you'll surely get a lot out of this.

Today, I will let Presence speak for himself. But tomorrow, I will post a commentary on some important aspects.


Part of the reason that I wrote it all down was that it might help other guys. The breakthrough was really massive, and I think it will enhance the quality of my whole life. I'd love other peoples thoughts on how and why it happened. Another thing that I've noticed since it happened, about four weeks ago now, is that my internal voice has completely changed. Where my internal dialogue used to be quite negative, it is now quite positive.

The voice in my head still hassles the crap out of me, but not to put my down or pull me back. It pushes me forward now. Like, it used to say things like, “'You can never do that, you schmuck. Give it up! Go home!” It now says things like, “You schmuck, you deserve better! Go for it, or you will feel like crap.”

The Story of “Presence”

I've been in the game for about 6 or 7 years. But something happened a few weeks ago that changed everything. I want to share it, because I think it might be really valuable to some of you. In a nutshell, an abrupt shift happened in my head. My game changed overnight . It went from mediocre to explosive. I'm still trying to work out why it happened. I'm not sure exactly why, but I have some ideas. I will give my background, and then a description of my transformation.


I got into game because my love life was shit. I got pretty good, and within a few months I was seeing a bunch of very pretty and really awesome girls. I committed to one girl, broke up with her, and committed to another girl. We were together for about three years. The breakup was hard for me and it shattered my confidence. I never recovered my performance in field. Recently I had a complete change — overnight! Some of the following is pasted from posts on a private seduction forum.

I was completely burnt out. Pickup hadn't been fun for me for at least a year. It was just hard work with no reward. Being in the field wasn't fun. There was this massive split in my head. Part of me just really wanted to roll over and die. It was like I had two completely different sets of beliefs. One said that I was just done. The game was over for me, and I was always going to find it difficult, a hard chore and an emotional minefield of rejection after rejection. Heartbreaking days full of girls letting me know that my value was absolute zero.

Another part of me knew that if I stuck to it, I would win. If I could shift some things around, if I persevered, I could get to a better place. I had to do the incredibly hard work of seeing past my emotions. I knew that other people had had really hard times and still managed to get better. Why shouldn’t I be able to do it, too?

Two Interactions

So, me and SP went out into the city. We played the "violent love taps" game, where if SP sees me going into my own head when I see a girl, or sees me checking out a girl, he starts counting down. If I haven’t approached her by zero, he whacks my arm. I was approaching a lot of girls, and mostly directly because I still can't think of much to say. (I still can't.) But this is simply not a problem for me anymore. I’m just direct.

Here’s one approach: Two gorgeous girls sitting down. I crouch down, eye contact with both, said something like "This is kinda random I know but... [turn to one of the girls]... you are really cute. I had to meet you." I got a very favorable reaction, but I ran out of things to say quickly. So, I turn to the other girl,  and say, "You have to help me out here. Your friend is gorgeous, but I can't think of what to say. What should a guy say?" I was really just being myself. Not trying to be cool. And I was starting to have fun. They loved me. And I felt like a man. I was just doing what a man should be doing: being a charming motherfucker. Alas, both girls had boyfriends.

Some other day I followed a really hot girl into a department store. Again, I ended up being direct and honest: "Hey, this is kinda random, and I feel kinda dorky doing this, but you are gorgeous. I have to meet you" She swoons. She blushes. She thanks me. But, she has a boyfriend. I move on.

A Zen Moment

There was something else that happened when I went to visit SP's city. I hung out with SP and some players at some clubs. We went into one club, and I was just lame, leaning on the bar, just looking at girls. SP came over. I told him that I wasn't approaching because of how I felt about my performance. I obviously looked like some boring guy leaning on the bar, ogling all the hotties. If I went over and tried talking to them I would just look like a random loser hitting on girls.

SP probably won't even remember this, because it was such a tiny thing, but it had kind of an avalanche effect: He tapped me on the the forehead and said "Yeah. It's just [bold]in your head"[/bold], and turned around to go talk to some girls. It was a tiny gesture, but it had a big effect. I knew that he was right. But, if that idea of how other people saw me was just my own projection, then other things were probably just projections as well. I couldn't stop thinking about this. I started supposing alternative realities. Dominoes started to fall. This was actually a a big revelation that made me question a lot of my views, and a lot of things I thought were real. I guess I was ready for it by then, and it just took that simple gesture.

You know, there's one thing that I find funny about this: This part of my story reminds me of so many Zen stories where the apprentice reaches enlightenment after a long, arduous and boring journey, and the master hits him on the head.

A Conversation With Mambo Mike

This goes a bit deeper. It might seem like a meander but I think it sheds a little light on the difficulties I've had over the last year or so. OK, the following happened over the last few days. They are both the result of the change I've been going through, symptomatic of it, and seem to be moving me towards more change.

Mambo is the kind of PUA I like. He's about forty I think. He travels around the country because of his job. He’s  also a really wise fellow. I needed someone to talk to about some things that had I'd been becoming aware of in my own mind. This had occurred to me in the last few days:

I'm deeply disappointed with women. I've had a series of relationships over the years. Every one has ended up with deep heartbreak. I've come away feeling horribly and deeply guilty. Like a failure - without really knowing why. Sometimes my failings were obvious. Sometimes I hadn't done anything wrong, but I still wasn't able to make relationships last.

After growing up being exposed to society’s idea of relationships and happiness over a lifetime, the end of long-term relationships seems like a failure on my part. I've always taken it to heart. In the end, all the guff that I've absorbed from TV and movies and whatever has given me unrealistic ideas on how to achieve happiness in life. And that's a big part of why I've always had such long recovery times from relationships ending.

I think that this is also related to why I've had a hard time trying to be a seducer. I wanted to find emotional fulfillment within seduction and relationships. I wanted the relationships to validate my and my view of the world. Of course, things don't work that way.  The conscious awareness of my disappointment has been liberating: I don't have to project unrealistic ideas on women and relationships anymore.

I tend to brood on past "failures". I think of the women I've connected with in the past, and see the end of our relationships as a source of personal failure. I've felt that I've let these women down really badly. That I've failed them. I'm still working on how to deal with that. I've been trying, and succeeding, to being grateful instead of guilty. Grateful for being able to connect with such beautiful women, and grateful for receiving lessons that have helped me become who I am.

Natural Interactions

So, we go to this party. Natural Friend is there. My god, he is an operator. There's this hot european girl that he is playing with. He's physically brushing her off, and she can't get enough of him. I pull her over, away from matt. Wow. That was cool. But I get kinda bored with her, so I jump into a set with a couple of girls, one of them is the hottie that I've never really interacted with before. It's been a few years since she was last in the country, and she isn't so hot anymore, but I'd still go there.

We chat. Her friend leaves, giving my girl approval to hang with me. I pull hottie over to a seat. The whole time I'm looking for opportunities to put myself out there, make my intent clear. The opportunities come. I use them. I’m just really honest. Like, at one point where it looks like we are going separate ways, she asks "so what are you doing for the next few days?" "Oh, probably madly flirting with you via text. Trying to get you to come over and sleep with me. That's all I'm capable of thinking about right now."

It was awesome. But here's the really interesting thing: [bold]I wasn't joking. I wasn't kidding around. It was kinda funny, and she laughed every time. But I wasn't trying to make her laugh. There was no showmanship, no pick up kung fu. Actually, I was just being really matter-of-fact.[/bold] I just wasn't in the mood to fuck around and wanted to let her know where the cock was. I've got no idea what her emotional response was. I really couldn't tell. She left the party to come with me and Suzy to a club down the road for a while, so I guess that's an IOI.

At the end of the evening I asked her if she wanted to come home with me. She brought up logistical issues. I've got no idea what she really wanted to do. I didn't care. It was all the same to me - even though she was a lot of fun to hang out with.

On my way yesterday to meet another player... Jedi Mike. On the way, a tall, slim, pretty brunette walks past me. Oh god. I slow down. I turn around, think about going after her. But the lord has smiled at me... She has taken a seat on a low brick wall. This is just too perfect. I walk up slowly, smiling. She looks up and sees me. "Hi. I noticed you. You are gorgeous. I have to meet you. Who are you?" "Oh wow. Um... that's cool"... intro's herself.

I was kinda stuck for something to say, and there was this silence. She said something like "it was nice to meet you" or something. I just stay direct, pulling out an old routine, that isn't really a routine... "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" "Sure" "Are you single?" "Why, yes I am single..." "Can I take you out sometime?" She happily gives me her number. I got a fantastic response from her. She loved my directness. And I really didn't feel like a fake. I just felt like a guy doing what guys should be doing. I racked up dates with three girls in the last four days.

“Inner Game”

I've been carrying these really dark emotional states. I've been really really low... and I've been trying to figure out why. Working on seduction was distracting me from addressing this inner stuff. And it was hitting me hard in the field.

Over the years, I've developed a little skill in "following my emotions". Basically, sitting with my emotions and seeing where they lead. Seeing what images, thoughts and impressions they brought up. So, I spent time sitting in my dark states. First I discovered lack of acceptance. Resistance. Then deep wells of guilt and shame that I never knew I had.

A lot of it was guilt from my fucked-up childhood. I was let down by my family in a really big way. I didn't have a normal childhood. My passage into young adulthood was horribly marred, and I ended up spending some time in a youth prison. And some time in a real prison. This is something that most people who know me, don't know anything about at all. Nobody who knows me would even guess this. Partly because I had so much anger at my family, I didn't speak to them for about ten years.

But here's the thing I just found it... a lot of the dark emotions that I've been experiencing have been my guilt at letting my family down. Like, in some warped part of my brain, I let my family down by not being in contact with them for so long. And for not being an ideal son. In my mind, I was the bad son. In my mind, I betrayed my family. Of course that’s a completely twisted way of seeing it. But that weird, suppressed view of things had a powerful control over my emotions. Addressing this has helped me to regain control over my emotions. Also talking about it a little bit helped.

My hand was actually forced a little bit when it came to talking about it. A girl that I've been seeing for a couple of years became a public figure. I knew that my past could create a liability for her, so I came clean about it. She was cool with it. She accepted it. But we couldn't see each other anymore. In summary: Consciously addressing suppressed emotions and working on self-acceptance has helped create the shift that I've been experiencing.

I’m still nervous around girls. I still get approach anxiety. I still feel kinda dorky, and I hide behind the words that I'm saying. But at the same time, I'm completely aware that I'm at my most attractive when I'm actually, as you put it "sharing myself authentically". And I try to do it. I try and relax, breath and just "be myself".


All of these changes in my thinking happened literally overnight. I don't care about rapport anymore. I'm spending way less energy. I'm being more honest. Sometimes I even feel like I'm being rude. I'm not experiencing AA anymore: all of a sudden, the same feeling in my body is not anxiety. It's excitement.

I've become way less sensitive to IOI's. They just don't seem relevant anymore. And I no longer care about them. I don't care about the girls reaction anymore. She's either coming home with me to have beautiful sex, or she's not. The idea of "building attraction" is irrelevant. Routines just seem weird now. They are irrelevant.

The game is exciting again. It was hard. But now it's just fun. I'm loving connecting with girls, where it used to be a chore before. When I see a pretty girl, my mind doesn't run through the programs looking to answer the question "how do I make her like me." That just seems weird to me now. Now, my mind asks "Is she cool enough for me to go and talk to her?"

If a girl isn't into me, that's cool. If she doesn't text me back or call, that's cool. It has absolutely zero effect on my emotions.


  1. I think what Sleazy is saying about don't-do-cold-approach-do-warm-approach-instead is that people shouldn't spend 2-3 hours hanging out on the street or mall approaching girls after girls like panhandlers.

    I personally think if you do your errands around town like shopping groceries, doing some work, going for lunch break or whatever and you see hot girls on the way that you're interested to talk to, why not approach them?

    Cold signals or warm signals don't really matter. You just do your daily routines and you just happen to chat up girls in the way and it's also very briefly. I mean, if you get flat out rejected it takes like 30 seconds or even less! You're not wasting much time at all. If a girl is semi interested or interested, get the number in 1-2 minutes, get out and continue to do your daily routine.

    Yes, obviously when they have wedding rings or walk around with their boyfriends then you just leave them alone. That's common sense.

    1. Let me make it simple for you moron...

      If you are even half-decent looking you should be seeing hundreds of warm signals in a given week.

      If you made use of those signals, you would have more pussy than you can handle.

      If you had more pussy than you can handle, you wouldn't be here arguing for your right to creep on and harass random women you tard.

      Do you understand this? You are either butt ugly, or you can't read warm signals. There is no rational reason to argue for squeezing out every random woman that passes your way. It doesn't exactly spell out abundance on your part.

      Of course if you see an exceptional gem, the kind you see once every two months, run up to her even if she is across the street and seems cold. But who the fuck sees 20 exceptional chicks a day?

      Dude, open your eyes, there are hundreds of warm opportunities all around you.

      The chick standing next to you in the checkout line

      The chick looking at the same shelf in the supermarket.

      The chicks sitting on the table next to you in the cafe and talking loudly and seeming social and friendly.

      The chick at the bus stop who seems to occasionally glance in your direction.

      The chick holding a pro camera (and you happen to be a photographer too)

      A chick holding a book that you've read

      A chick who wears apparell fom your university/sports team

      The chick in the park rollerblading while you yourself are running (talk at the water fountain when you both stop to refresh)

      These are only a dozen out of Hundreds of warm situations any non-tard should experience. Come on you loser... Isn't this list enough for you to have a decent sex life? Must you also bother the chick with closed arms and a fuck off face? Must you also harass the chick trying to run through her shopping.

      If you only used the warm situations I listed you would have more pussy than you can handle.

    2. Also you tard, why are you obsessed with rejection? There is absolutely no need to be getting rejected on a regular basis. It's not about the "30 seconds".

      If you keep running around getting rejections from random women, you will get a creep reputation no matter how big your city is... And not everyone reading this lives in a big city you dork.

      How about doing what normal human beings do and test the waters first you sociopathic scumbag.

      For women who haven't sent you specific signals directed at you, like staring at you, the. you test the waters first.

      Make a remark without facing her
      See if she bites with a warm response
      If she does, face her and get into a full conversation
      Start flirting

      If you are getting rejected you are doing things wrong you screwed up fuck. It's not about seconds of rejection you sociopathic outcast. It means you are moving despite signals of non interest you moron...

      You are even more idiotic than the guy who was complaining that meeting chicks in class is akward. You Guys are a testament to how the community produces dysfunctional human beings.

    3. If those are warm signals, then most guys can't read it. Those are way to subtle. Most guys are oblivious to those, they're too nervous and scared to talk to girls they don't think about those at all.

      Of course the guys who are good with women already know those signals, but there are a lot of unsuccessful guys who need help with getting girls. That's why there are a lot them going for PU community or reading dating tips on magazines or whatever.

      If you call us moron, you have to realize that you've been blessed with better luck with women for whatever reason. You don't have a clue with what *morons* have been through with their dating lives. They need help.

    4. This is a good point. Also, it is related to the fact that guys who have very poor past experience with women are often not just incapable of recognising the signs of attraction, but also suffering from a fair degree of emotional trauma. To these guys, the world of 'PU' can be a very tempting proposition, as it promises a well defined path leading to the one thing they have always been denied. Of course the reality is very different, as for some men a simple approach can be genuinely terrifying. I totally understand why some end up emotionally and financially damaged by the experience, in the more extreme cases. But how to dissuade a man who has spent his entire life desperately craving something that he believed he was doomed to be denied, when some slippery con artist is offering it to him for a couple of thousand dollars? I'm relieved I didn't get sucked that far in, but I know guys who did, and they still haven't got laid, in some cases after ten years of drifting around the seduction community!

    5. I just wrote a blog post after reading the comment from the previous Anonymous guy. It would have been too long to post here. It might just help you understand what people have been saying here.

    6. A guy can get hundreds of warm signals everyday but if he has strong approach anxiety then they're all useless. He'll be too timid to even say hi. It'll only work if he's already loosen up from approaching some girls beforehand. Approaching the first girl of the day is always the hardest thing to do, even if she's sitting right next to you in a bus. I hate to say this but if there's anything about pickup I agree with is to approach 1 or 2 girls to warm-up even if it doesn't go anywhere. I know guys like Sleazy don't have much or any approach anxiety, so they can focus on reading warm signals and go for the girls who are receptive. But for average regular Joe who are still frightened to talk to girls, getting the fear out of the way is the upmost priority. So yeah, talk to some girls just to get some momentum first then focus on warm signals.

    7. Anonymous, the one that calls people Moron and Retarded,
      You have no ability to deal with people. Talk to people with respect or don't bother to talk to them at all. I'm guessing you are the same person that is on PUAHate that called me Retarted for asking a question. What's your name since you're are such a smart guy! You may know something, but I for one I not read anything you write, until you can learn to talk to people with some repect! Your tone is like a little spoiled child who never learned social dynamics!
      Have a nice day!

  2. Reminds me of an old quote:

    "I am not what I think I am.
    I am not what you think I am.
    I am what I think you think I am."


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