Tuesday, April 17, 2012

"Vince Kelvin is an Entertainer, You Fucks!!1"

I really wanted to stop making fun of Vince Kelvin, but whenever I think that it's been enough now, some more bullshit shows up in my email inbox. Some days ago, I received a notification of a new comment on my classic post "Vince Kelvin, the Joke is on you!" that almost made me spill my mango smoothie.

Even better was that this came in not long after "Sweater" from The Game shared his experience with Vince Kelvin. Money quote: "He talks about "brotherhood" and helping each other, but I think he means "Vince Kelvinhood" and helping Vince pick up."

Anyway, back to Mr Producer. He wrote:

Hey All, 
I shot and edited this video for a Dutch TV broadcast completely independent from the PUAs (never met Vince before that night), and I've gotta say that you guys as a whole take yourselves waaaaay to seriously. The guy is an entertainer! Give him a break! He enjoys making people laugh, whether it be his students, or the bbws he meets on the street. I sure as hell laughed my ass off from behind the camera...  
At least he puts himself out there, and doesn't dedicate who knows how many hours putting someone else down to promote himself. Ahem*  
Glad you thought my video was important enough to take all those screen shots from though! 

So, where shall we start? Maybe with,

Hey Josh, 
I have no problem when people try to be entertainers. In fact, this is a niche I readily support, and I regularly attended stand up comedy events. However, those are normally free of charge or virtually free. Also, I normally get what I expect: some cheap laughs at little cost, and a nice way to waste a couple of hours. 
Now, let's have a look at Vince Kelvin's business proposition. If I take your position, it is something like this: He says that he teaches you how to pickup girls, but instead he just doesn't give a fuck, and makes a fool out of himself by talking to some fatties. Honestly, if Vince had a poster that said: "PUA Comedy Gold in LA! Watch me getting shot down by fatties and scaring hot girls away in less than three seconds. Kids are welcome too. No sexually explicit content.", I'd even consider to advertise him on my blog free of charge.  
Heck, Josh, I wouldn't mind if he charged a tenner for his live performance. Probably, I'd write him a testimonial like, "By watching Vince Kelvin I managed to ruin more keyboards than by active computer use in two decades." Or maybe, "Vince Kelvin's impromptu performances are almost as good as sex, which is great because sex is not what's going to happen."
However, Josh, this is not what Vince Kelvin actually does. He doesn't charge ten bucks for standup comedy. Instead, he claims to teach you how to pick up women (and then you see him talking to rhinoceroses and getting a blow job from a whale). Stuff like this is easily worth ten bucks. However, he charges more like x times 10 to the third power bucks per person. Josh, I am sorry if the last sentence was too much for you. I hope you forgive me. 
But, anyway, Josh, tell me, whaddaya say now?
Aaron Sleazy

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